It was dinner time. Mom made ham, mashed potatoes, carrots, and broccoli. We all sat down at the table. Zoey took some mashed potatoes, carrots, and broccoli. “You can have some ham you know.” My mom said to her. “I know but I don’t want any. I don’t eat meat.” She shrugged. “Well you need some protein.”
“I got all the protein I need in my veggies. You know how much protein is in broccoli? Meat’s actually a poor source of protein compared to some veggies.” She shrugged.
“What ever.” was all my mom spit out. I strangely liked it when she get’s outsmarted by Zoey. “Let us say grace.” Mother smiled and bowed her head.
“Praise God, from whom all blessings flow...
“I got all the protein I need in my veggies. You know how much protein is in broccoli? Meat’s actually a poor source of protein compared to some veggies.” She shrugged.
“What ever.” was all my mom spit out. I strangely liked it when she get’s outsmarted by Zoey. “Let us say grace.” Mother smiled and bowed her head.
“Praise God, from whom all blessings flow...
For food in a world where many walk in hunger;
For faith in a world where many walk in fear;
For friends in a world where many walk alone;
We give you thanks, O Lord. Amen.”
We raised our heads and we started to eat.
“So how do you stand not eating meat?!” My dad asked like it was big deal.
“I do it easily. That’s how.” She laughed. My dad laughed back. “Eh, what ever. How long have you not been eating meat?”
“About a year or so.”
“Dang, I’d rather die than not eat meat for a year.” He laughed. I wonder why he didn’t just drop it.
“To be honest I’d rather die than eat meat for a year.” She shrugged trying to eat her meal with out my dad’s annoying comments. He just laughed and took a bit of his ham.
“You’re crazy. That’s a very unhealthy lifestyle.”
“Really it is? That must be why meat eaters have a 50 percent chance of a heart attack and vegetarians have a 15 percent.”
“Greg, Zoey, let’s just enjoy our meal and be thankful we have any food at all.” My mother smiled. I was surprise that she was the one provoking peace. “You right. This is awesome broccoli, by the way.” She smiled. “Thank you.” My mom smiled back.
For faith in a world where many walk in fear;
For friends in a world where many walk alone;
We give you thanks, O Lord. Amen.”
We raised our heads and we started to eat.
“So how do you stand not eating meat?!” My dad asked like it was big deal.
“I do it easily. That’s how.” She laughed. My dad laughed back. “Eh, what ever. How long have you not been eating meat?”
“About a year or so.”
“Dang, I’d rather die than not eat meat for a year.” He laughed. I wonder why he didn’t just drop it.
“To be honest I’d rather die than eat meat for a year.” She shrugged trying to eat her meal with out my dad’s annoying comments. He just laughed and took a bit of his ham.
“You’re crazy. That’s a very unhealthy lifestyle.”
“Really it is? That must be why meat eaters have a 50 percent chance of a heart attack and vegetarians have a 15 percent.”
“Greg, Zoey, let’s just enjoy our meal and be thankful we have any food at all.” My mother smiled. I was surprise that she was the one provoking peace. “You right. This is awesome broccoli, by the way.” She smiled. “Thank you.” My mom smiled back.
After dinner my mom sat at the dinner table “reading” her magazine. I knew she was actually watching and listening to us. “So, are you excited for church?” I asked. She shook her head. “Yes I am.” She said to please mom even though it wasn’t true. I giggled along with her. She pulled out a rectangular device. It took me a while to recognize it. “Is that an iPod?”
I asked. She shook her head.
“It’s an iPhone.”
“Oh.” I asked even though I didn’t understand it completely.
“Want to listen to some music?”
“Unless it’s a Christian song than she’s not allowed.” My mom interrupted before I could answer. Zoey held in a laugh.
“Ok.” She smiled.
“Sorry.” I cringed out of embarrassment.
“Well what do you want to do than?” she asked. There was so much tension between us. Not in an awkward way, more of an ‘I want you but my moms in the room’ way; even though I was still confused as to what to feel.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Want to play board game?” I shrugged.
“Sure what do you have?”
“I’ll show you.” I took her hand and took her to the closet in the hall. To be honest I only took her as an excuse. I opened the closet door.
“Sorry, Monopoly, Clue, Life, that’s about it.”
“Hmm, how about life?” She shrugged.
After a few boring games and awkward silence it was 10:00 P.M., which is bed time. My mom had blankets ready in the living room for me and Zoe. I noticed there were more blankets than necessary. Way more than two girls would need in this weather. “Mom you can put back some blankest. We won’t be needed all of them.” I smiled. “I know you won’t need the extra ones, but I will. I’m sleeping out here with you to night. I thought I told you.” She shrugged. Although Zoe’s face didn’t really change, once I looked into her eyes I could tell she was majorly disappointed. “Oh” I said. “Well let’s get some sleep ,girls, We gotta get up early for church.” Mom said. Zoe lied down on the couch parallel to mine while mom was lying on the recliner.
I woke up and could smell the scent of pancakes through the house. I lifted up my head and turned in to the table where I saw Zoey and my dad waiting for their food, which was still making. I got out of bed and fixed my hair up a bit. “Hey you’re up! We were just about to wake you.” My dad smiled. I smiled back and sat at my usual chair. My mom went a round and placed 3 strawberry pancakes on everyone’s plate and a small pitcher of home made syrup in the center. She sat down and smiled “Before we ate let us say grace.
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow...
For food in a world where many walk in hunger;
For faith in a world where many walk in fear;
For friends in a world where many walk alone;
We give you thanks, O Lord. Amen”
We all ate our pancakes without really talking. As I said my mom was an amazing cook. There was not one burnt on any of the pancakes, not even one strawberry wasn’t warm and fresh. The syrup was warm and had a unique taste I can’t describe. “Mrs. Brown, you are an amazing cook!” Zoey smiled. “Thank you.” I swear I saw my mom blush a little. “You’re welcome.” Zoey smiled back.
Once my mother noticed we were all done she said “Well, let’s get ready for church. I’m going to get a shower now.” “Ok, Carol, I’m just gonna read the new paper.” My dad leaned back and reached for the news paper on the counter. Me and Zoe walked over to the couch. “Do you want to get a shower after my mom?” I asked her. “Sure” She shrugged. “What time did you wake up?” I asked looking at the clock which stated it was 7:20 AM. “Uhdon’tknow around 6:30 ish. I’m a bit of an early bird.” She smiled. “Oh.” I said. “I had this crazy dream last night.” Zoe smiled.
“We were surrounded by pink fog. It was so thick and it was turning more and more pink and thick. For some reason we had to be together, like we literally could not pull apart and your parents kept trying to pull anyway from each other and save us from the fog. But the fog wasn’t bad or hurting us. It was healing us and making us happy.”
For faith in a world where many walk in fear;
For friends in a world where many walk alone;
We give you thanks, O Lord. Amen”
We all ate our pancakes without really talking. As I said my mom was an amazing cook. There was not one burnt on any of the pancakes, not even one strawberry wasn’t warm and fresh. The syrup was warm and had a unique taste I can’t describe. “Mrs. Brown, you are an amazing cook!” Zoey smiled. “Thank you.” I swear I saw my mom blush a little. “You’re welcome.” Zoey smiled back.
Once my mother noticed we were all done she said “Well, let’s get ready for church. I’m going to get a shower now.” “Ok, Carol, I’m just gonna read the new paper.” My dad leaned back and reached for the news paper on the counter. Me and Zoe walked over to the couch. “Do you want to get a shower after my mom?” I asked her. “Sure” She shrugged. “What time did you wake up?” I asked looking at the clock which stated it was 7:20 AM. “Uhdon’tknow around 6:30 ish. I’m a bit of an early bird.” She smiled. “Oh.” I said. “I had this crazy dream last night.” Zoe smiled.
“We were surrounded by pink fog. It was so thick and it was turning more and more pink and thick. For some reason we had to be together, like we literally could not pull apart and your parents kept trying to pull anyway from each other and save us from the fog. But the fog wasn’t bad or hurting us. It was healing us and making us happy.”
I raised an eyebrow at her.
“I know it’s weird” She giggles. “What did you dream last night?” She smiled that charming smile which I swear makes my heart stop every time she does.
“I didn’t have any.” I shrugged.
“Not true. Every one dreams every single night. If you think you didn’t than you just forgot them. It’s sad how easily we forget our dreams, really. They always have an important message. But even when we do remember them they’re so freaking crazy and confusion it’s hard to interpret.” She laughed a single laugh.
“Are you like a dream expert or something?” I laugh.
“Nah I just read a book on the subject a while back.” She smiled.
I heard the water in my parents bathroom turn off.
“You can get a shower now.”
“That was quick.” She said.
“My mom is big on saving water so she takes quick showers.”
“Oh, ok.” She got her bag and went down the hall.
I sat down in the couch. I was rather bored. The only thing to do was to listen to the waving of the ceiling fan. For some reason I have the urge to paint. I don’t know what but I just wanted to paint. I walked in my room and went through my old paintings in the closet. Not all of my paintings were in there though, some was under my bed and the rest were in boxes in the basement. I have too many to keep just in my closet. Most of them were religious, few were of famous sightings I’ve been to, some were famous sightings I want to go to, some were of animals, some were still objects and some were completely abstract non sense. I even did a self portrait, but I did that one a few years back when I was 13. I had a random idea at that moment; I want to paint a picture of Zoe! I really want to do it right now to be honest. But I figure I would wait. I wonder what Zoe is going to wear to church. I admit I am a little nervous to see. I don’t want to be revealing because my mom would be upset if it is. But I’m sure she knows better than that.
I put the paintings back and got off my knees. I shuffle through my assortment of dresses. I picked out the prettiest one I could; a slightly sparkly, gold dress. It goes below the knees because that’s my mom’s rule. I found a pair of gold flats to go with it. I looked inside my box of bows and found a gold bow with an almost identical hue as my dress and shoes. Finally I went through my jewelry box and found a white bracelet and a gold necklace to complete my outfit. I folded the dress and held it in my arms.
Eventually Zoey got stepped of the bathroom. She was wearing a long sky blue dress that would actually be acceptable for even me to wear; she had short pink heels and a strawberry necklace around her neck. “You look… like cotton candy.” I laughed.
“Thank you.” She laughed back.
“I’ll be out soon.” I smiled and walked into the bathroom. I placed the folded dress on a shelf far away from the shower so it would not get wet. I disrobed and turn the shower handle towards the little fire sign. I stepped into the shower. Warm water flowed and bounced off my skin. I must say it did relax me a lot and made me want to go back to bed. But I much rather go to church.
“I know it’s weird” She giggles. “What did you dream last night?” She smiled that charming smile which I swear makes my heart stop every time she does.
“I didn’t have any.” I shrugged.
“Not true. Every one dreams every single night. If you think you didn’t than you just forgot them. It’s sad how easily we forget our dreams, really. They always have an important message. But even when we do remember them they’re so freaking crazy and confusion it’s hard to interpret.” She laughed a single laugh.
“Are you like a dream expert or something?” I laugh.
“Nah I just read a book on the subject a while back.” She smiled.
I heard the water in my parents bathroom turn off.
“You can get a shower now.”
“That was quick.” She said.
“My mom is big on saving water so she takes quick showers.”
“Oh, ok.” She got her bag and went down the hall.
I sat down in the couch. I was rather bored. The only thing to do was to listen to the waving of the ceiling fan. For some reason I have the urge to paint. I don’t know what but I just wanted to paint. I walked in my room and went through my old paintings in the closet. Not all of my paintings were in there though, some was under my bed and the rest were in boxes in the basement. I have too many to keep just in my closet. Most of them were religious, few were of famous sightings I’ve been to, some were famous sightings I want to go to, some were of animals, some were still objects and some were completely abstract non sense. I even did a self portrait, but I did that one a few years back when I was 13. I had a random idea at that moment; I want to paint a picture of Zoe! I really want to do it right now to be honest. But I figure I would wait. I wonder what Zoe is going to wear to church. I admit I am a little nervous to see. I don’t want to be revealing because my mom would be upset if it is. But I’m sure she knows better than that.
I put the paintings back and got off my knees. I shuffle through my assortment of dresses. I picked out the prettiest one I could; a slightly sparkly, gold dress. It goes below the knees because that’s my mom’s rule. I found a pair of gold flats to go with it. I looked inside my box of bows and found a gold bow with an almost identical hue as my dress and shoes. Finally I went through my jewelry box and found a white bracelet and a gold necklace to complete my outfit. I folded the dress and held it in my arms.
Eventually Zoey got stepped of the bathroom. She was wearing a long sky blue dress that would actually be acceptable for even me to wear; she had short pink heels and a strawberry necklace around her neck. “You look… like cotton candy.” I laughed.
“Thank you.” She laughed back.
“I’ll be out soon.” I smiled and walked into the bathroom. I placed the folded dress on a shelf far away from the shower so it would not get wet. I disrobed and turn the shower handle towards the little fire sign. I stepped into the shower. Warm water flowed and bounced off my skin. I must say it did relax me a lot and made me want to go back to bed. But I much rather go to church.
After I was done in the shower I dried my water mottled skin and hair. I put on my clothes and walked out of the bathroom in to my room. Zoe was sitting on my bed. “Yo.” She smiled. “Hi” I said back. I put on my jewelry that I laid out earlier. I grabbed my brush and brushed out my hair. “Sooo what time exactly is church?” Zoe asked.
“8:30 am. So we leave around 8:00 A.M.”I said, she just nodded. I tied my hair in a pony tail. “Aww. You put your hair back.” Zoe complained.
“I have to.” I said as I slipped on my flats.
“8:30 am. So we leave around 8:00 A.M.”I said, she just nodded. I tied my hair in a pony tail. “Aww. You put your hair back.” Zoe complained.
“I have to.” I said as I slipped on my flats.
“You looks pretty” she smiled.
“Thank you. So do you.” I smiled back. I sat down beside her. I suppressed the urge to wrap my arm around her but I didn’t want to start a ‘moment’. She looked into my eyes. Her bright green eyes were so bright and shiny I couldn’t stop looking. It was almost like she was hypnotizing me with them.
“Sammy, I meant to ask earlier.” She whispered. “Do you have any idea what you might what to wear to the party? You can borrow an outfit of mine, unless you want to go to a party wearing a floral church dress.” She laughed.
“I don’t know. But no pants or anything that goes above my knees.”
She shook her head.
“Fine.” She looked down at her outfit. “How about this dress?” She asked.
I looked at it. It was a mix between my typical attire and something I could wear to a party without embarrassment. “Ok. By the way, how crazy will this party be?” I whispered.
“I won’t lie they’re will be drinking and possibly even drugs.” My eyes grew wide when she said that.
“But don’t worry I won’t let anyone pressure you!” My stomach grew sick. I thought the wildest thing at there would be dancing, not sex and drugs!
“Why didn’t you tell me this?”
She just shrugged.
“Never thought it was a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?! It’s a huge deal!” I sighed I don’t want to go but I have to for Zoe.
“Sorry, but you’ll have fun. And I want you to go sooo bad!”
A thought just hit me.
“Wait it’s your sister’s boyfriend’s party? That means your sister will be there.”
“No she won’t. She doesn’t party as much since she’s been prego. She’ll be at home. I mean she is 9 months pregnant!”
“Oh.” I said with relief.
“Are you kids ready?” I head my mother’s voice say.
“Yeah.” I said to her. “Let’s go” I told Zoe.
We arrived at the church. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining through the trees. I looked at Zoe and she was smiling her bright smile at me. A glare from the sun was in her eyes and it made her eyes look even brighter. It took me heaps of self control to not press my lips to hers. I felt bad for having that urge. I took a deep breath to calm my self. I promise myself that I’ll ask the priest for a confession soon. I have been sinning way too much in the past day few days, all because of Zoey. And next Saturday I’m sneaking out to a party which is a huge sin! I don’t want to be a sinner but I really like Zoe! I’m in a rock and a hard place.
I just tried to brush it off for now and follow my parents into the church. We sat together at our usual seats, which is in the front row. It was still a few minutes until church starts. We just sat there quietly along with the other rows of people. Eventually the Priest came up and opened the bible.
“Good morning, everyone. Let us began this beautiful Sunday morning with a prayer:
Dear lord and heavenly father,
please bless us on this fine morning that you gratefully gave to us.
Please forgive our sins so we can join your magnificent realm.
And thank you for the life you have given us.
Thank you for the family and friends we have
and the love you gave them that they generously share.
And thank you for this beautiful day.
Amen.”
“Amen” every one quietly mimicked.
I saw Zoey raising her hand in my peripheral vision.
“I have I question.” She said.
All I could do was gape and hope for the best.
“Yes?” The priest asked with slight confusion.
“Why do we say ‘Amen’ rather that ‘Awomen’ or even ‘Ahuman’ that way it’s not sexist?” My heart dropped. I was scared and embarrassed at the same time. This has to be a dream.
“Young lady I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t question the lord’s work.”
“Sorry. I didn’t know he would care. I’m just interested.” She shrugged.
I shut my eyes and put my palm to my face. This can not be happening. I am dreaming. Wake up, Samatha! Please wake up. I open my eyes expecting to wakeup in the living room with Zoe and my mom. But no luck, I was still in church. The energy was filled with awkwardness, anger, and confusion. The priest coughed. “Well, he would mind. So please be respectful.” He said. Zoe just nodded. My mom gaped at Zoey but Zoey just shrugged. I sighed hoping it was over.
The priest told the story of Adam and Eve. I always liked this story, it was my favorite. I wonder what was going through Zoe’s mind. I wonder if she was offended be cause she’s gay and this story is about how man and woman should be together. Maybe she wasn’t paying attention. I looked over at her, and she clearly was. She wasn’t sighing or looking away. Her eyes were locked on the priest. I felt kind of happy knowing she was interested in my favorite bible story, rather than mocking it like I expected. I also was happy she didn’t seem offended. I hate seeing her hurt. It would be even worse if the source of that pain was my religion which is very important to me. The priest went on and on as I was listening to every word.
The service was finally over after an hour or so. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. But it still wasn’t necessarily good. We walked out to the car. My mom was slightly upset. Once we got into the car my mom said “I’m disappointed in you. That was very disrespectful!”
“I didn’t think it was. I was interested and was asking a question. That’s what you do when you’re learning.
“Of course you wouldn’t think it’s disrespectful” She shook her head. “You just don’t understand! I bet you haven’t even been to church before today.”
“No I haven’t.” She said without a thought.
My mom sighed. “God made and gave everything you have! You can’t question that, you clod!”
“I wasn’t questioning what he gave me. I asked a question out of curiosity.”
“You back talked to the priest! You know what I am not the slightest surprised you would act this way. Look at your family!”
“Oh no…” I mumbled to myself.
“Excuse me? What’s wrong with my family?!”
“Ha, what’s wrong with your family?! Your mother and sister are atheists! Your 18 year old sister is pregnant and hasn’t been married! Plus she-”
“Excuse me, but my family is awesome! They let me believe what I want; they love me, protect me, and don’t judge me! Maybe you should take notes!”
“What does that mean?!”
“I mean you don’t let Sammy do anything!” My heart just dropped when she said that. I knew where this was going.
“She can’t dress the way she wants, she’s not even allowed to wear her hair down in public, she can’t listen to music that isn’t Christian, you control her like a slave and I never once saw you show her love! I’ve tried to be nice and respectful but you’re crazy! Your house is like a strict prison rather than a home!”
“You’re banned! You’re banned from my house and daughter. If I see you interacting with Samatha, not Sammy, I will contact the police!”
Zoe laughed. “Banned from your home? That’s a privilege, darling.”
I took a deep breath and spoke. “Mother you can’t legally ban her from Me.”
“Well even if I can’t, know that if you hang out with her you’re a sinner and will burn in hell.”
“That makes no sense” Zoe said.
“Honor thy mother. It’s a commandment. It’s a sin not to listen.” Mother said.
“You seriously are bat shizz crazy!” Zoey laughed. “There’s a difference between respecting your mother and listening to every single thing she says. Sammy doesn’t have to listen to every damn word you say in order to ‘honor’ you.”
“Listen young lady, you’re a bad influence on Samatha! I can’t believe you were raised like this! Just stay away from my daughter and there will be no trouble.”
“You can’t control us! I hope you know that. She’s a human not a robot you can program to do what you want.”
“You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do! You’re a child and I’m the adult. I am forbidding you from my child. It’s not up to you! My child, my choice.” My mom shrugged looking out the window.
“Well see about that.” Zoey smiled.
We pulled into the driveway. “I hope you know you’re not staying.” Mom said.
“I don’t plan to. I’m gonna get my stuff and leave.” “Fine.” Mom said. We walked into the house. Zoey took her heels off and slipped her sneakers back on. She grabbed her bag and left. A tear rolled down my face. My worst fear came alive. “Don’t cry over that littler sinner.” My mom said. “She’s right though.”
“Samatha Grace what are you talking about?!”
“You never show me love. You act like I’m a dog you just train. Zoe has shown me more love in the past two days than you have in my whole life. You never once said ‘I love you’. Zoe made me happy. And not letting me see her just shows you really don’t care about me.”
“Samatha I’m doing this for your own good! Look at you your already back talking to your mother after spending only two days with her. Give it a week and you’ll be as bad as her.”
“She’s not bad! You can be so conceded! If someone doesn’t see the world the way you do you automatically label them a sinner.”
“SAMATHA GRACE BROWN I WILL NOT TOLERANT THIS!”
“Of course you won’t! You don’t tolerant any thing, even freedom.” I should really shut my mouth. My brain is telling me to but my heart already chose what to say.
“I can not believe you are acting this way! You use to be perfect now you’re gazing down the road to sin town!”
I couldn’t think of anything to say. If Zoe was here she would know the perfect thing to say. I just sighed.
“I’m sorry mother I will still respect you but I refuse to stop seeing Zoe.”
“I am warning you, Samatha, you will become sinner if you do. I’m so disappointed in you right now I can’t even think straight! 17 years of raising you into the perfect child and than Zoey comes along and ruins it in just two days.” She shakes her head.
“Just please answer me, mom. Do you love me?”
“I don’t know anymore.”
My heart broke. I ran into my room. I shut and locked the door. The tears were flowing so fast I couldn’t see through my blurry eyes. I never planned this weekend to be this ghastly. My mom basically admitted she doesn’t love me. I got on my knees and put the palm of my hands together. “Dear God, I’m sorry for my sins. I ask of you to forgive me. I ask you to please guide me because I’m so confused and hurt right now. Please help me or give me a sign to help me. Amen”
I sighed and grabbed the necklace Zoe had given me Friday. I put it around my neck. It reminded me of the party I was going to next Saturday. Should I even go? I really like Zoe, but God would be upset. At least I think he would be. No where in the bible does it say you can’t have fun. Maybe I should apologize to my mother. Maybe she should apologize to me? I am so lost. I just want God to give me something! A sign or something I don’t care! I’m so lost. I feel like I’m on a boat alone on a stormy sea. My mom hates me, I’m banned from the only person who loves me, I might be gay, and I’m going to hell now. All because of Zoe, I was on a trail to heaven but she derailed me and now the next stop is hell. I am sure of that. You can’t do what I just did and stand a chance in heaven. But I’m not mad at Zoe. I still love her, maybe a little more than I should. She completes my life. She just went against my mother to protect me. She actually cares about me. More than my mother does.
I heard the phone ring. “Hello? Yes she is here.” My mom said. My heart dropped that wasn’t Zoe obviously. So that leaves on person. “Samatha, Brian is on the phone.” Oh great, perfect timing. I walked out and retrieved the phone. My mother eyes were cold. I gulped and walked back into my room.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Samatha.”
“Hi.”
“I just called to ask you on a second date. I really enjoyed the first. I really like you, Samatha.”
My stomach grew butterflies. I don’t like him that way and he may want to be my boyfriend. I had no clue what to say.
“Well, um sure that would be fine.” I rolled my eyes. Why did I just tell him that?!
“Thank you. So do you.” I smiled back. I sat down beside her. I suppressed the urge to wrap my arm around her but I didn’t want to start a ‘moment’. She looked into my eyes. Her bright green eyes were so bright and shiny I couldn’t stop looking. It was almost like she was hypnotizing me with them.
“Sammy, I meant to ask earlier.” She whispered. “Do you have any idea what you might what to wear to the party? You can borrow an outfit of mine, unless you want to go to a party wearing a floral church dress.” She laughed.
“I don’t know. But no pants or anything that goes above my knees.”
She shook her head.
“Fine.” She looked down at her outfit. “How about this dress?” She asked.
I looked at it. It was a mix between my typical attire and something I could wear to a party without embarrassment. “Ok. By the way, how crazy will this party be?” I whispered.
“I won’t lie they’re will be drinking and possibly even drugs.” My eyes grew wide when she said that.
“But don’t worry I won’t let anyone pressure you!” My stomach grew sick. I thought the wildest thing at there would be dancing, not sex and drugs!
“Why didn’t you tell me this?”
She just shrugged.
“Never thought it was a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?! It’s a huge deal!” I sighed I don’t want to go but I have to for Zoe.
“Sorry, but you’ll have fun. And I want you to go sooo bad!”
A thought just hit me.
“Wait it’s your sister’s boyfriend’s party? That means your sister will be there.”
“No she won’t. She doesn’t party as much since she’s been prego. She’ll be at home. I mean she is 9 months pregnant!”
“Oh.” I said with relief.
“Are you kids ready?” I head my mother’s voice say.
“Yeah.” I said to her. “Let’s go” I told Zoe.
We arrived at the church. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining through the trees. I looked at Zoe and she was smiling her bright smile at me. A glare from the sun was in her eyes and it made her eyes look even brighter. It took me heaps of self control to not press my lips to hers. I felt bad for having that urge. I took a deep breath to calm my self. I promise myself that I’ll ask the priest for a confession soon. I have been sinning way too much in the past day few days, all because of Zoey. And next Saturday I’m sneaking out to a party which is a huge sin! I don’t want to be a sinner but I really like Zoe! I’m in a rock and a hard place.
I just tried to brush it off for now and follow my parents into the church. We sat together at our usual seats, which is in the front row. It was still a few minutes until church starts. We just sat there quietly along with the other rows of people. Eventually the Priest came up and opened the bible.
“Good morning, everyone. Let us began this beautiful Sunday morning with a prayer:
Dear lord and heavenly father,
please bless us on this fine morning that you gratefully gave to us.
Please forgive our sins so we can join your magnificent realm.
And thank you for the life you have given us.
Thank you for the family and friends we have
and the love you gave them that they generously share.
And thank you for this beautiful day.
Amen.”
“Amen” every one quietly mimicked.
I saw Zoey raising her hand in my peripheral vision.
“I have I question.” She said.
All I could do was gape and hope for the best.
“Yes?” The priest asked with slight confusion.
“Why do we say ‘Amen’ rather that ‘Awomen’ or even ‘Ahuman’ that way it’s not sexist?” My heart dropped. I was scared and embarrassed at the same time. This has to be a dream.
“Young lady I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t question the lord’s work.”
“Sorry. I didn’t know he would care. I’m just interested.” She shrugged.
I shut my eyes and put my palm to my face. This can not be happening. I am dreaming. Wake up, Samatha! Please wake up. I open my eyes expecting to wakeup in the living room with Zoe and my mom. But no luck, I was still in church. The energy was filled with awkwardness, anger, and confusion. The priest coughed. “Well, he would mind. So please be respectful.” He said. Zoe just nodded. My mom gaped at Zoey but Zoey just shrugged. I sighed hoping it was over.
The priest told the story of Adam and Eve. I always liked this story, it was my favorite. I wonder what was going through Zoe’s mind. I wonder if she was offended be cause she’s gay and this story is about how man and woman should be together. Maybe she wasn’t paying attention. I looked over at her, and she clearly was. She wasn’t sighing or looking away. Her eyes were locked on the priest. I felt kind of happy knowing she was interested in my favorite bible story, rather than mocking it like I expected. I also was happy she didn’t seem offended. I hate seeing her hurt. It would be even worse if the source of that pain was my religion which is very important to me. The priest went on and on as I was listening to every word.
The service was finally over after an hour or so. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. But it still wasn’t necessarily good. We walked out to the car. My mom was slightly upset. Once we got into the car my mom said “I’m disappointed in you. That was very disrespectful!”
“I didn’t think it was. I was interested and was asking a question. That’s what you do when you’re learning.
“Of course you wouldn’t think it’s disrespectful” She shook her head. “You just don’t understand! I bet you haven’t even been to church before today.”
“No I haven’t.” She said without a thought.
My mom sighed. “God made and gave everything you have! You can’t question that, you clod!”
“I wasn’t questioning what he gave me. I asked a question out of curiosity.”
“You back talked to the priest! You know what I am not the slightest surprised you would act this way. Look at your family!”
“Oh no…” I mumbled to myself.
“Excuse me? What’s wrong with my family?!”
“Ha, what’s wrong with your family?! Your mother and sister are atheists! Your 18 year old sister is pregnant and hasn’t been married! Plus she-”
“Excuse me, but my family is awesome! They let me believe what I want; they love me, protect me, and don’t judge me! Maybe you should take notes!”
“What does that mean?!”
“I mean you don’t let Sammy do anything!” My heart just dropped when she said that. I knew where this was going.
“She can’t dress the way she wants, she’s not even allowed to wear her hair down in public, she can’t listen to music that isn’t Christian, you control her like a slave and I never once saw you show her love! I’ve tried to be nice and respectful but you’re crazy! Your house is like a strict prison rather than a home!”
“You’re banned! You’re banned from my house and daughter. If I see you interacting with Samatha, not Sammy, I will contact the police!”
Zoe laughed. “Banned from your home? That’s a privilege, darling.”
I took a deep breath and spoke. “Mother you can’t legally ban her from Me.”
“Well even if I can’t, know that if you hang out with her you’re a sinner and will burn in hell.”
“That makes no sense” Zoe said.
“Honor thy mother. It’s a commandment. It’s a sin not to listen.” Mother said.
“You seriously are bat shizz crazy!” Zoey laughed. “There’s a difference between respecting your mother and listening to every single thing she says. Sammy doesn’t have to listen to every damn word you say in order to ‘honor’ you.”
“Listen young lady, you’re a bad influence on Samatha! I can’t believe you were raised like this! Just stay away from my daughter and there will be no trouble.”
“You can’t control us! I hope you know that. She’s a human not a robot you can program to do what you want.”
“You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do! You’re a child and I’m the adult. I am forbidding you from my child. It’s not up to you! My child, my choice.” My mom shrugged looking out the window.
“Well see about that.” Zoey smiled.
We pulled into the driveway. “I hope you know you’re not staying.” Mom said.
“I don’t plan to. I’m gonna get my stuff and leave.” “Fine.” Mom said. We walked into the house. Zoey took her heels off and slipped her sneakers back on. She grabbed her bag and left. A tear rolled down my face. My worst fear came alive. “Don’t cry over that littler sinner.” My mom said. “She’s right though.”
“Samatha Grace what are you talking about?!”
“You never show me love. You act like I’m a dog you just train. Zoe has shown me more love in the past two days than you have in my whole life. You never once said ‘I love you’. Zoe made me happy. And not letting me see her just shows you really don’t care about me.”
“Samatha I’m doing this for your own good! Look at you your already back talking to your mother after spending only two days with her. Give it a week and you’ll be as bad as her.”
“She’s not bad! You can be so conceded! If someone doesn’t see the world the way you do you automatically label them a sinner.”
“SAMATHA GRACE BROWN I WILL NOT TOLERANT THIS!”
“Of course you won’t! You don’t tolerant any thing, even freedom.” I should really shut my mouth. My brain is telling me to but my heart already chose what to say.
“I can not believe you are acting this way! You use to be perfect now you’re gazing down the road to sin town!”
I couldn’t think of anything to say. If Zoe was here she would know the perfect thing to say. I just sighed.
“I’m sorry mother I will still respect you but I refuse to stop seeing Zoe.”
“I am warning you, Samatha, you will become sinner if you do. I’m so disappointed in you right now I can’t even think straight! 17 years of raising you into the perfect child and than Zoey comes along and ruins it in just two days.” She shakes her head.
“Just please answer me, mom. Do you love me?”
“I don’t know anymore.”
My heart broke. I ran into my room. I shut and locked the door. The tears were flowing so fast I couldn’t see through my blurry eyes. I never planned this weekend to be this ghastly. My mom basically admitted she doesn’t love me. I got on my knees and put the palm of my hands together. “Dear God, I’m sorry for my sins. I ask of you to forgive me. I ask you to please guide me because I’m so confused and hurt right now. Please help me or give me a sign to help me. Amen”
I sighed and grabbed the necklace Zoe had given me Friday. I put it around my neck. It reminded me of the party I was going to next Saturday. Should I even go? I really like Zoe, but God would be upset. At least I think he would be. No where in the bible does it say you can’t have fun. Maybe I should apologize to my mother. Maybe she should apologize to me? I am so lost. I just want God to give me something! A sign or something I don’t care! I’m so lost. I feel like I’m on a boat alone on a stormy sea. My mom hates me, I’m banned from the only person who loves me, I might be gay, and I’m going to hell now. All because of Zoe, I was on a trail to heaven but she derailed me and now the next stop is hell. I am sure of that. You can’t do what I just did and stand a chance in heaven. But I’m not mad at Zoe. I still love her, maybe a little more than I should. She completes my life. She just went against my mother to protect me. She actually cares about me. More than my mother does.
I heard the phone ring. “Hello? Yes she is here.” My mom said. My heart dropped that wasn’t Zoe obviously. So that leaves on person. “Samatha, Brian is on the phone.” Oh great, perfect timing. I walked out and retrieved the phone. My mother eyes were cold. I gulped and walked back into my room.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Samatha.”
“Hi.”
“I just called to ask you on a second date. I really enjoyed the first. I really like you, Samatha.”
My stomach grew butterflies. I don’t like him that way and he may want to be my boyfriend. I had no clue what to say.
“Well, um sure that would be fine.” I rolled my eyes. Why did I just tell him that?!
“Great! This Friday?”
“Sure.” I said upset with myself.
I’m going on a date with a boy I don’t like and I’m only gonna break his heart.
“Sure.” I said upset with myself.
I’m going on a date with a boy I don’t like and I’m only gonna break his heart.
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