Chapter 6

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        “So where are we going?” I asked Brian. He had picked me up and hadn’t told me where we are going. We just drove off and he didn’t tell me about our destination. “It’s a surprise! It’s nothing too special though.” He smiled.  Most girls would be head over heels in love with him. He’s pretty much perfect. But I feel nothing. Not a spark, not fireworks- nothing. I really like him in a friend way though. I don’t know if we can be just friends though if he likes me that much. It just seems unlikely. But I guess I can worry about that later. “Actually we’re here now.” He smiled. I saw a large lake. “I want to go for a walk.” He smiled. We got out of the car. He grabbed my hand. “Follow me, Samatha.” He smiled at me. We walked down the pavement. “So are your pressing charges against Lisa?”
“No. I’m not. My mom said she will if she does it again however. But for this time she doesn’t want to start drama.”
“Oh. I never knew Lisa was so… crazy.” She laughed and shook his head
“I did.”
He just makes a quick, sharp laugh as a response.
“I can’t believe this woman is going to be a mother!” He said.
“You think she’ll make a good mother?” I genuinely asked him but I felt a little silly once I saw the amusement in his eyes.
“No way! She perfectly defines a sinner!” He laughs and shakes his head.
 “Samatha, don’t be fooled, she’s bad news. It would be great if she saw the Lord and the light but realistically she’ll always lock her self in that darkness. And her poor child will be sucked into it too- will be destine to Hell. It’s sad really, this vicious cycle. The child and its’ children’s children will all be damned.”
             I was a bit shocked by how much he sounds like my mother. I run my fingers through my scarlet tinted hair and say “Doesn’t it seem unfair? I mean God can do anything so why can’t he fix the wicked? They’re his creations.”
       He looked at me with shock and sternness.
             “Samatha, don’t speak ill of the Lord. He can and is hearing you. God put Lisa her on this earth to test her. Her refusing to study and answer the questions by her own will is enough to show God that she doesn’t deserve to go to his kingdom.”
             I was a bit speechless and ashamed. I want to put this aside but he stares at me waiting for a response.
“Sorry, you’re right.” Is the only words I can get to pass my lips.
 “It’s fine. Let’s just enjoy our date for now.” He smiled
 He intertwines his hand with mine as I wait for a spark to go off in my heart- the way it does with Zoey. But I’m saddened when I get nothing.

            We walked together hand and hand for about 20 minutes. He stopped the stroll and told me to sit down on a tan colored bench. I looked ahead of us and saw a breath taking view of the lake. The sun was radiating an orange glow that reflected off the water. “Samatha, I like you a lot. I mean I can’t get you out of my head. Every time I close my eyes I see your smile and your eyes. You’re amazing.” His lips expanded and he took my hand.
“Thanks, Brad” I smiled being exceptionally flattered.
“You’re welcome. Before I continue I need to know… how do you feel about me?”
I got a knot in my stomach.
“What do you mean about that?”
“I mean do you like me? Is there any chance for us to be together for good?”
My ears grew hot. This ruins my plan. I can’t keep this game with him anymore. “I’m sorry. I like you, but only as a friend. I’m really sorry I really do want you in my life just not as a boyfriend.” I felt awful for saying that. I think I actually heard his heart break. “What? Why? I love you, Samatha. I know it seems soon to say that but I loved you at first sight. I-I…”
“I’m sorry, Brian. I care about you but I’m just not interested in a relationship with you. We can still be together. I promise you we can. I just want to be friends.” I basically hurt myself telling him that.
“I don’t know what to say. I thought we had something…” I saw a layer of water cover his eyes. Please don’t say he’s going to cry! That would just make the moment tenser.
“Please don’t cry, Brian.”
He blinked trying to hide his tears. “I’m not going to.” He took a deep breath.
“I’ll drive you home now.” He got up and started to walk. I followed him.
“I have to ask one more thing, Samatha. What did I do wrong?” He asked.
“Nothing. You did everything right. I should be head over heels. A normal girl would be in love with you. I’m not normal. I’m sick. Face it, you’re every girls dream. You have movie star good looks; you’re romantic, rich, kind, and loving. This sounds like a cliché but seriously it’s not you, it’s me. If a normal girl saw me turn you down she would think I’m crazy and want to slap me for giving up a one and million chance. Something’s wrong with me, literally. I don’t want to talk about it now but don’t worry about it please. There is something wrong with me, ok?”
He looked puzzled but remained silent. I don’t think he was sure what to say. He opened his mouth but closed it again quickly.
“Now do you want to walk out of my life forever or do you want to stay and just be friends for now? Who knows maybe I’ll get help and we can be together.” I shrugged.
“What do you mean you’re sick?” He says ignoring my telling him to not mention it.
“I told you not to worry about it.” I said.
“How can I not if your ‘sickness’ is taking me away from you?!”
“It’s complicated. I haven’t even grasped it so how could I explain it?”

“You can try.” He shrugged not letting this go.
“I don’t want to.”
He let out a sigh.
“What ever.”
He looked away. I saw pain, pain which was cause by me. I felt a ping in my stomach.
“Be honest with me. Is there a chance with us, at all?” He asked.
“I don’t know, maybe.” I smiled trying to give him hope. He just looked away not buying it.
“I’m sorry. I really am.” I said.
“It’s fine. You can’t help who you love, or don’t love.” He frowned.

           
            Even though this day was awful there was one good thing that came out of it. And that is the fact it’s over. Well, almost. I still have to go to that party. Even though every fiber of my being wants to park myself on the bed and stay there rather than go to the party.
            I can honestly say that today was the worst day of my life - so far atleast. Most people say that as an over exaggeration, but it really is. I rest my sore head on my pillow. I took a deep breath. I remember when my life was simple. I remember it intensely, mostly because it was just a week ago. Well I suppose my life was never simple. Not with my mother confusing me every time I thought understood something.  My parents don’t really care about me, they never really did. But I feel so obligated to listen to them and obey their every word; almost like it’s my instincts. Perhaps it’s because I have lived this way my whole life.
            I guess what I mean by my life being simple I meant it was easier.  I just did what I was told. I had no complications to worry about. There were no conflicts, no confusion, or heart break. At least not like there is now. Now it is just painful. Yet all this pain seems worth it somehow. I can’t honestly describe it. Maybe it’s because I’m basically doing this for Zoey.
             Still it’s not fair Brian and my parents have to be affected by this. Brian gets his poor heart broken and my parents won’t get, well, me; or their ideal of me. They want their perfect child with the exact same views as them; one with a perfect Christian husband and perfect Christian grandchildren. No, they won’t get that. They’ll get me- their sinner, their biggest mistake.
             All because of my choice, illness, or maybe disorder. I’m not quite sure yet. I don’t think it’s a choice though. I never chose this and never would. I don’t want to live this way. I really don’t. I want to have a husband and kids. Not a wife and adopted kids. I whipped a tear from my eyes. I took a breath and looked at my clock; 11:30 P.M. I talked to Zoey about it. I’m going to the party. I admit I’m scared; I don’t want to do this. It’s stupid. But love makes people do stupid things. I went over to my door and locked it. I flipped the switch off and let darkness gulf up the room.
            I went over to the window through the shadows of my room. I opened it and went out of it. I pushed the glass window shut. I started to walk down the dark road. My stomach grew sick for obvious reasons. Walking at night by myself gave me the creeps. I took in a gulp of fresh air. I walked slower and slower fighting the strong urge to go back to my bed and sleep. Eventually I was going so slow it appeared I wasn’t walking at all. The day I’ve been dreading is here- the day that will send me to hell, the day I am officially a sinner. Well maybe not. Perhaps that day happened a while ago when I talked back to my mother. Or perhaps it was the day I kissed Zoe. I still can’t believe I did that.
            I looked over at the child hood park and saw the silver car in the parking lot. I squinted and examined it a bit to be 100 percent sure it was Zoey’s car. It was. If the green dice in the window wasn’t enough to tell me than seeing Zoey step out of it once she saw me. “Hi, Sammy.” She smiled. “Hi, Zoe” I said back and took her in. From her long pink wavy hair, to her whit tee shirt and red skinny jeans. “The dress is in the back, Sammy. You can get changed in the car. I promise I won’t look.” She smiled. I nodded and went into the back seat. I saw the same blue dress Zoe wore at the church. I peeked out the window to make sure she wasn’t looking. I took off my ugly floral dress when I saw she wasn’t. I put on the blue one and stepped out of the car. “You look… normal” she laughed “Well, almost.” She walked over and took the bow out of my hair. “Wow. You’re so gorgeous.” She said but seemed a bit distracted while looking in my eyes. Our eyes were locked like the night we kissed. Despite how natural this felt I didn’t want it to happen. This moment is being seen by god. Even though I want to let everything go and be with her the fear of knowing god is watching and judging every move stops me. I turn around. “We don’t want to be late.” I say.
“We can be fashionably late.” she smiled and wrapped her arm around me.
“I guess.”
She walked over and sat on the hood of her car. “Sit down with me.” She smiled while patting on her car. I sat down beside her.
“So, you never did answer my question.” She looked over at me.
“What question?” I asked.                           
“Are you… on my team?”
“What?” I tilted my head to the side. She shook her head and sighed.
“Remember our conversation we had the first day I was at your house?”
“Oh.” I cringed thinking about it.
“Answer me. Stop the mind games, Sammy. Just tell me the truth. Do you have feelings for me?”
I took in a deep breath and got of the car.
“Let’s talk about this later.”
“No. There’s not time like the presence. Just tell me. Am I wasting my time?”
“What do you mean by wasting your time?”
“I mean I am I wasting my time trying to become more than friends?”
“I never knew you were trying.” I said slightly hurt that this whole time we were together was just her attempt to be my girlfriend.
“I guess I never really was. I just want to know if I should bother starting or just forget that possibility.”
“Oh. Listen, Zoey, I don’t know. I honestly don’t. I don’t want to be gay. I want to be normal and live a normal safe life.”
“What do you mean safe? Safe from what?”
“Hell.”
“You think I’m going to hell?!”
“No, I mean—I don’t know.”
“I don’t believe in hell. Why would god make me this way but send me to hell for it?”
“Maybe you could get help. Maybe we both could. It would be fun they have camps for it, you know?” I smiled thinking about it. We could be normal friends.
“Are you joking? There’s no ‘cure’ for this. You’re born this way. There’s no way out. If you could there would be little to no gays in the world. I’d be upset with you for saying that if you knew how offensive it actually was.”
“I didn’t mean it to be. But I did think about doing that.”
“Doing what? Sending me to a camp?”
“No, sending my self to one. I don’t know if I am but I may be and I want help.” I frowned.
“Don’t do this to yourself. I tried it. Not going to a camp, but hiding it. Not just from other people but from myself. I shoved my self so deep in the closet. I was hiding from myself because I thought I wasn’t good enough for this world. It’s a traumatizing experience. Please don’t do it. It will be the biggest regret you’ll have.”
“Let’s just not think about it for now. Let’s just go to the party.”
“Fine, you’re right.” She slid off the car.

            We arrived at a huge golden color mansion. “This is Brad’s house?!”
“No, it’s his mansion.” She smiled. “Let’s go.” She said. We got out the car and started walking up the long drive way. My stomach grew sick. This is my first real party ever and I honestly don’t want to go. I have no idea how crazy this party is going to be. “Don’t be nervous, Sammy. I won’t let any one hurt you.” She laughed and put her hand in mine. Although we were far from the house I could hear the music from it perfectly. It sounded a little futuristic and fun. Is this the music I have been wondering about? Is it the music that is all over the radio? “Is this the kind of music that’s on the radio?” I asked. “Yes. This kind of music is on the radio too much if you ask me.” She laughed. “You like?” She asked. “Yeah, I guess. It’s way different from Christian music though.”  The next song played. I cocked my head to the side. The song sounded familiar. Not the song, the singer. “I know this person. I’m pretty sure my mom bought me her CD for my 8^th birthday. Katy Hudson, right?” I asked. “Her name’s Katy Perry now. Your mom actually let you listen to her?” She laughed. “Yeah she had a Christian album. I was such a big fan. I actually saw her perform years back. I even meant her back stage it-”
“You meant Katy Perry?!?!” She said and dropped her jaw.
“Yeah? Is that bad?”
“No! That’s so … awesome! Was she nice?”
“Yeah I guess I just talked to her for a while.”
“That is so freaking awesome” She said with a wide smile.
“Thanks.” I smiled mostly because I was happy I impressed her.

            We stepped into the door. “You see that man over there?” She nearly screamed into my ear trying to speak to me over the loud music. She was pointing to a tall, muscular man with tattoos covering his arm. He had brown spiky hair. He had a red cup in his hand and a cigarette in the other. I already felt uncomfortable. “That’s brad.” He seemed no better than Lisa. Nearly no one here was. I looked around the room. There was a sea full of people smoking, drinking and dancing. I could barely breathe because of all this smoke. And I could barely hear myself think from the music. Zoe grabbed my hand and took me away from him. “I don’t want him to know you’re here with me. He could tell my sister and, well, you know.” She frowned.
            “Zoe? Zoe Carson? Ha, is that you?!” I heard a voice slur. Zoey turned around and saw who was saying it. It was a tall skinny girl. She had a short shirt revealing a skull belly button ring with a tattoo of a little bow by it. She had a nose, brow, and lip piercing. She had blue skinny pants on and had long straight blonde hair. “Oh crap.” Zoey mouthed to me. “Remember me, lovely?” The blonde girl said holding a red cup. “Of course.” Zoey smiled, well fake smiled. “Sammy,” Zoey said loudly while looking down. “This is Abby.” She blushed. “Hi.” I smiled. “You’re so stiff, girl. Loosen up!” Abby said to me. She was obviously intoxicated. “Sorry.” I said but Abby didn’t pay attention. “Zoey, is this your girlfriend?” Abby asked with her head tilted. “No. She’s Just my friend.” She said, although it was true I wish she didn’t say it. I wish I was her girlfriend in a strange way. I would love for her to say those words and for it to be true.
“Oh. Are you seeing anybody?!”
“No.”
“Hmm… you wanna dance?” Abby asked while pulling Zoey up. Zoey rolled her eyes and went with it. Abby grabbed Zoey’s waist and proceeded to dance with her. They were having a conversation that was inaudible to me. Jealousy went through my body. I hated Abby right now. I hate this girl so bad though I just meant her a mere minute ago. She moved her hand up to Zoey’s cheek. I walked up to a point where I could just about hear their conversation.
“I still love you, baby” Abby said.
“Abby, I have some feelings for you too but I can’t be with you. You were never there for me.”
“I was always there for you! I drank and parted too much, I know. But I love you so much.”
“Abby, it’s been months. I’m over this. I do want you but you’re no good for me.”
Abby put her forehead against Zoey’s. She said something to her but I couldn’t hear. Zoey smiled at her and looked into her eyes. I had such a strong urge to pull them apart. I’m not a violent person but I want to punch Abby in the face right now. I ran as fast as I could. I saw a door that lead out to a balcony. Excluding the couple kissing in the far corner, I was alone. I sat at the seat in the corner. Tears fell from my eyes. Was Zoey falling for someone else? Will the only people who ever loved me leave me for Abby? Is some one I don’t know going to take away everything from me? This day turned out worse than I expected. I wiped the tears from my face. Images of what they could be doing right now flashed through my mind. I can’t let them come true.
            I ran back into the room I left her in. She stood there alone and confused. “Sammy?!” She said looking around. I grabbed her shoulder. “I’m right here.”
“Where the hell did you go?!”
“Never mind that. Who was Abby?”
She sighed. “She’s my ex. I dated her for like 8 months a while back.”
“You love her.” I said.
“No I don’t, I mean I do, but… it’s complicated.”
“I’m such an idiot.” I shook my head.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I fell for you. I thought I stood a chance with you but I don’t. I was never gay just confused. Besides, we’re too different to ever be together. I’m not bad enough for you.”

“What do you mean by bad enough?!”
“Look at Abby! She’s your type. She’s rough, pretty, and wild. I’m just lame and boring.”
“No your not!” She took my hand and took me out side. The music was just a muffle now.
“Listen, Sammy, I don’t want some crazy druggie for a girlfriend! I want someone nice, supportive, stable, and loving. You’re not lame and boring. You just don’t have freedom to live how you want to. Of course I did date a girl like Abby but there’s a reason why she’s my ex girlfriend and not my girlfriend. You know I lov-like you. I want you not her.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re an amazing person. You’re beautiful, loyal, loving, talented, and caring. Abby is a loser. If she’s not drunk she’s high. She went one month without having a real conversation with me. She wasn’t mad at me, she was just partying. She’s a nobody. Don’t worry about her.”
“I saw you dancing with her you love her.”
“No I don’t. I may have a few small feelings for her but they’re nothing compared to how I feel about you. Why should you care anyways? We’re not dating. If you wanted me you could have be, but you never have.”
“It’s complicated, okay?”
“Whatever. By the way, I am a bit flattered you seeing her with me made you jealous.” She smiled.
“I wasn’t jealous.” I protested but she just gave me a look that showed she didn’t believe me.” I wasn’t!” I said again.
“Whatever. Let’s just go back to the party.” She laughed. We walked into the building full of smoke, loud music, and shouting. I would die to go back to my home in my bed. “Where is Abby, anyways?!” I shouted trying to get Zoey to hear me. “Don’t worry about her, Sammy!”  “Hey, Zoey!” I heard a strange voice say. We turned around and a slim tall, girlish guy with Justin Bieber hair and brown eyes was there. “You want some beer?” He asked. Zoey shook her head. “What about the ginger?” I figured he was talking about me. “No” I shook my head. “Aw, come on, baby, live it up.” He smiled. “She said no, dude!” Zoey said. He ignored her and poured the tan colored drink from a silver keg into a red cup. “Just take one little sip.” He smiled I shook my head. “She said no, Drake.” Zoey said. “You know him?’ I asked. “Yeah he’s my friend. Remember? I went to the mall with him? Drake, this is Sammy.” “Oh.” He took a sip of the drink that he poured for me. “Is she like your girlfriend or something?” He asked. “No, Drake.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I heard.” He laughed. “Those were just rumor!” “Ha, sure they were.” He teased. “Shut up” Zoey laughed. “Ignore Drake. He’s an idiot” Zoey and Drake laughed. I laughed along with them. “Your sisters gonna flip shit if she finds out you’re here with Sammy.” He said then took a sip of beer. “That’s why she won’t find out. It’s also why we’re avoiding Brad.”
“Oh. Didn’t you say the only place he pretty much never goes during a party is upstairs?”

“Ooh yeah. That’s true. You wanna come with us?” Zoe asked Drake. “Sure.” He shrugged. “Come on.” Zoey said and led us upstairs to a hall. His house was beautiful. Like amazingly beautiful! There are marble floors and walls, gorgeous colorful plants, and it had a magnificent sparkly chandelier. It’s not fair this is how Lisa will spend her life. She’ll live like a princess, probably living in this mansion. She’ll have a husband and kids and a loving mother and sister. I’ll have parents who hate me, probably a wife and no kids. It’s not fair. I must be being punished for doing something. I just don’t know what. I’ve been going to church every Sunday since I’ve been born. I never did commit any sins, well at least not before I meant Zoey. Maybe meeting Zoe is a test. If it is I’m failing miserably.
            Zoey opened the door to a golden room. “This is a guest room I think.” She said while she stepped into it as Drake and I followed her. “Damn, this is fancy!” Drake said and gulped down the rest of his drink. “I know.” Zoey smiled. She fell onto the golden colored bed. She folded her hands together and put them under her head. “Ahhh, this bed is so comfy.” She shut her bright green eyes. I sat down in a big curved chair. Drake flipped his hair. “Drake, how did you get here anyways?”
“In a car, derp!”
Zoey rolled her eyes. “I mean who brought you here?”
“I did.”
“Than how are you getting home?”
“In a car?” He laughed.
“I mean who’s taking you?!” She said with no patience.
“Me?”
“No you’re not.”
“Why not?”
“Because you just drank beer. You’re coming with me and Sammy. I’ll drop you off at the house.”
“No way! What about my car?”
“You should have brought a designated driver.” She shrugged. Drake rolled his eyes.

There was a bit of silence.
“It’s boring here. You guys wanna go to his pool?” Drake asked.
“We don’t have swimsuits.” I said.
“Actually…” Zoey walked to a dresser. “We could borrow my sisters. Brad sneaks her in this room and my sister has her clothes here.”
“Why does she have to sneak in?” I asked.
“Brad’s parents don’t like her because she’s….well, Lisa.” She laughed.
“Ok. I’ll meet you bitches out there.” Drake left.
“Zoey, I don’t want to do this.” I said.
“Do what?” She asked as she dug through the dresser. She pulled out a sky blue bikini with whit dots.
“Go swimming, I don’t want anyone to see me in a bathing suit. I don’t even want to wear jeans in public! Let alone a swimsuit.” I said with a knot in my stomach.
“You’ll be fine.” She laughed and pulled out a one piece with a skirt attached to it.
“And I’ve never been swimming before. I’m not allowed.”
“Sammy, you gotta live a little. And trust me no one will care.” She handed me a black bathing suit. I cringed.
“Do I have to?” I whined.
“Yes!” She said and walked into room which I’m guessing is the bathroom.
I took a deep breath and disrobed. I put on the tight black suit. I sat down on the bed. I wish I never came here. I wish I was a sleep in my bed.
“I’m about to come out!”

“Its fine I’m dressed.” I winced. I was a bit nervous for Zoe to see me in a swim suit.

She stepped out in the blue bikini. I noticed a piercing on her naval. “You have a piercing!?” I gaped. She nodded. “I got it 2 years ago.” I was a bit shocked. My mom said body piercings are a sin. She said that god gave everyone a body for his own reason and changing it even in the slightest is insulting him. “Oh.” Is all I said. “Let’s go.”  She took my hand and led me to the back yard. I saw a big blue pool radiating light. We walked closer and closer to it. We walked up to Drake. He went to the side of the pool to meet us. “You guys took forever.” Drake said. “No we didn’t. You’re just impatient.” Zoey said back. Zoey dipped her feet in the pool. “The waters warm.” She said and jumped in. Some water splashed me and made me flinch.  I sat down by the pool. “Get yo’ ass in here!” Drake said. I shook my head. “I’m fine.” Zoey swam close to me. “Why won’t you come in?” She asked while tilting her head to the side. “I don’t know how to swim. What if I drown?” I asked.  She giggled. “The pool water is only 4 feet in this section.”
“I don’t like this, Zoe. I feel… uncomfortable. Everyone can see my…” I looked down and saw hoe exploited I was. “Everything! Can I just change back?”
“No. You need to let go and live! Get in, trust me, you’ll thank me later.” She smiled and grabbed my arm trying to pull me in but I wouldn’t budge. “Come on, Sammy!” I shook my head. She pulled even hard until I was engulfed in warm water. “Zoey!” I yelled but she didn’t take my anger seriously. She let out a laugh. “Seriously, I’m all drenched now!”
“Well of coarse you are…. you’re in a pool.”
“So what’s the point?”
“Of what?”
“Swimming, what do people do in here? I never really saw the point.”

“The point is to have fun!” She laughed.
“How is this fun?” I say shivering from the coldness of the water.

She just shook her head showing a blend between amusement and disappointment in me.
“I’m getting out!” I said to her. Her eyes grew large as her jaw dropped. I was curious as to why she was that upset over me leaving the pool. “Sorry.” I shrugged. “But I’m freezing and exposed.” I say. But she’s still speechless and frozen with her eyes wide and jaw dropped. I must say I think it’s a bit of an over exaggeration. “Zoey you’re making a big deal out if this.” I shook my head and turned around when the thought accord to me that maybe it isn’t me that she’s freaking out about. That’s when my thought was confirmed. I saw Lisa standing over the pool staring at us.
                 She was filled with anger yet she had a playful smirk on her mouth. She had a green bikini on that showed off her big round belly that looked like it was about to pop any time now. “Do my eyes deceive me?” Lisa said. “Lisa, I thought you were in jail and quit partying?”  Zoey said. Lisa lifted and dropped her shoulders and said “Brad bailed be out and I had a feeling I should go to this party. Now I know why.” She tilted her head and let out a short mocking laugh. “Samatha, are you wearing my bathing suit?!” She shook her head. “Do you actually want to make me kick your ass? Because it seems you’re sure as hell trying.”
“Lisa, stop it! This is my life. I can hang out with who I want. Besides I gave her that suit she didn’t know it was yours so blame me not her.” Zoey protests seemed it had no affect on Lisa. “Zoe, don’t stick up for this freak. She doesn’t love you. She never will because she can’t. Not even just as a friend. All that matters to her is God and Jesus; two obviously fictional characters that, in her delusional mind, are real and will damn her to hell if she doesn’t listen to every word her psycho mother says.”
“Stop it, Lisa. If anyone should understand being bashed for their beliefs it’s you. Have some sympathy.”
“Listen, this isn’t about her beliefs. I’m protecting you! Trying to start a relationship with her,” she gestured her head to me. “, is no different that loving a stone.” She shook her head then turned her head towards me showing she was about to shoot me a message. “And, Samatha, didn’t we have deal? Remember, if you are with my sister you, well you know.”

Chapter 5

(If you're new click here to start at chapter 1 :)

            It was Friday morning. Every day of this week before today was more or less the same. I got my self up, made my own breakfast, and went to school to see Zoey. My mom was still mad at me, which is why I made my own breakfast and all. It hurt me though that my mom would just abandon me like that. Although she may hate me I still love her. She’s my mother! Today was no different. I woke up to the buzzing of my alarm, got ready and made a bowl of cereal. I stepped outside and waited for the bus. After a few minutes the bus came and sat down at my seat. I started to think about the date I’m going on after school- with Brian -who I don’t like. But who really likes me. I’m going to have to tell him eventually. That or marry him, which sounds a lot worse. I promise myself that I’ll tell him tonight at the end of the second date. I really hope he doesn’t get too hurt. I cringed thinking about his reaction.
            Our school bus finally stopped in front of our school and dropped us off. I walked in and passed Lisa. Or well I tried to. “Hey, freak, I heard about my sisters fight with you mom.” She laughed. “Looks like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. You moms even more of a freak than you!” She laughed. I started to walk away. “Hey don’t ignore me you bitch! I’m talking to you!!!” 
            That’s it I can’t take it! I can take teasing just fine. This is not teasing, however, like Zoe said it was. This was bullying. I already talked back to my mother. So who cares about Lisa? I turned around and took a few steps closer to her. “Lisa, can you please just leave me alone?! I’m so sick of you acting like a jerk to me. I don’t do anything to you. I barely ever speak to you! Just leave me alone!” I walked away. Or tried to at least; she grabbed my arm. “Um excuse me. Do you seriously think you can talk to me and walk away unharmed?! Ha, yeah right!” She twisted my arm. “Leave me alone!”
“Not until you fight.”
“I’m not gonna fight a pregnant woman!” I tried to release my arm. She just twisted it harder.
“Why? Are you too afraid?” She laughed. “Trust me your weak! Nothing you do could do serious damage to my baby!”
She looked me into the eyes.
“Listen, Samatha, I’m pissed at you!”
“Why… I didn’t do… anything to… you.” I struggled to say the words through my pain.
“You and my sister! I see the way she looks at you! And how she talks about you. She likes you! No, she loves you. I don’t want some stupid, brainwashed, Christian, freak to be my sister-in-law! I hate you! I hate everything about you! Your clothes, your hair, your voice, your walk- EVERYTHING! I can’t even consider you a human! You’re just an empty shell of a human being! I don’t want my sister with you! I mean I don’t even know if you are gay but I’m just warning you. You think your arm hurts now than just imagine the pain you’ll be in when I see you with Zoey!”
I was speechless. I can’t see Zoe at home and now not at school.
She finally released my arm but the pain didn’t stop.
“I don’t understand. Why would you even hate me? I don’t do anything to you.”
“Your so dumb! I told you! You’re a stupid Christian!”
“And you’re a smug, religion intolerant atheist. But I don’t hate you.”
She grabbed both my arms and pushed me against the locker. The lock was pushing into my stomach. “You better take that back, you fucking bitch!” She said in my ear.
“Fine I take it back!” She loosened her grip but didn’t release me.
“Listen; tell Zoe that you’re finished with her. Don’t you dare tell her why! Just don’t touch her. She’s my lil’ sister and I know what’s best for her.”
“But she’ll be hurt.”
“She’ll get over it!”
            I didn’t know what I should say or do. I don’t want to say ‘no’ and get hurt. But I don’t want to say ‘okay’ and lose Zoe. I can’t lose her! I love her too much. You know what?! I don’t care if she beats me up. The pain of it won’t be close to the pain of losing Zoe, not by a long shot.
“I’m sorry, Lisa, but I can’t agree to that. I can’t lose Zoe. So beat me up if you have to. I won’t give up Zoe.”

“Ha, wrong answer.” She said. She pulled back my pony tail and smashed my head against the locker. Pain rushed through out my head. She let me go. I put my fingers to the sorest part of my head. I looked at my fingers and saw blood. A few tears rolled down to my chin. I looked up and noticed a crowed of people surrounded her.
“I wasn’t bluffing, freak! I hate you! I would sooo kill you if it was legal. Now do we have a deal?”
I shook my head. “Sorry.”
She kicked my leg as hard as she could. I fell down to the ground.
“Hey, hey, hey!!! We can’t have this going on!” I heard a man’s voice say. It was Mr. Beckette the principal.
“Miss Carson, go to my office.”
“Um, no thanks.” Lisa said.
“Lisa, go to my office you are in legal trouble!”
“What ever.” She shrugged.
“Fine, refuse to come with me. The police will be here soon.”
“Ok. I don’t care I didn’t do anything that bad. My boyfriend will bail me out.”
“If he does you’ll still have a criminal record. You’re over 18. Now come with me!”
He grabbed both of her hands and took her to his office.
“Mark Dilworth, please take Samatha to the nurses office.”
            “Ok” he smiled. Greg was the geek of the school so he principal trusted him to take me to the nurse. Mark was too much of a good boy to disobey. I got up and began to walk or, limp actually, to the nurse’s office. Mark put his arm around me to help me walk. “She got you good, huh?” He shook his head. “She’s a bad person. I must say this is the worse she’s done though. In middle school she got in fights all the time! She ever did this much damage though. Why did she do this to you?” “She hate’s me” I shrugged. “She doesn’t want me to be friends with her sister. But I told her I refuse to. So she beat me up.”
“I’m sorry it’s none of my business but why don’t you just not be friends with her sister? She can’t be worth all the pain.”
“But she is. We’re really close.”
“Oh, quite touching I must say.” He smiled.
“Thanks” I mumbled.

            We arrived at the nurse’s office. The nurse looked at me and gawked at me. “Good lord what happen to you?!”
“She got beat up. The principal told me to take her to you.” Mark said and walked away. “Bye. I wan to get to class before I’m late.” He said before he exited the door.
“Wow, who did this?!”
“Lisa Carson.” I said.
“I’m not surprised. She’s a bad kid. Come with me.” She smiled and opened a door which had room similar to a doctor’s room.
“Sit down right here.” She pointed to a light blue leather seat. I sat down as directed.
She got a paper towel and placed it under water. She handed it to me.
“Here, you can clean the blood off. The mirrors right there.” She pointed to it. I walked over and saw my self. I looked horrible. My eyes were slightly purple from crying. Blood was running from the top of my forehead to my cheek. I rubbed it away gently. My head was still in pain so it did hurt a bit when I cleaned off the blood. When I saw it was gone I threw paper towel in the garbage.
“Sit back down please.” She smiled. “This may sting a bit.”
I gulped when she said that. “Ok.” I said nervously. She placed a towel to the source of my bleeding. I cringed at the sting. I just kept telling my self it’s for Zoe.
“Ok all done.” She smiled, wiped the peroxide of my cut and put a band-aid on the wound.
“Oh almost forgot, any more injuries?” She asked.
“Just my leg. She kicked it.” I shrugged and pointed to the purple bruise on my lower leg.
“Oh dear. Can you move your leg?”
“Yes.” I said moving it to show her.
“Good. Can you walk on it?”
“Kind of. It just hurts when I do.”
“Try it.”
I got up and walked around the room.
“How bad does it hurt when you walk on it? On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worse.”
“Hmm, about a 4. It’s tolerable but still painful.”
“Well that’s good. It doesn’t sound like the leg is broken. You don’t show any signs of a concussion either. But I still want to check. Do you have any memory loss, feel confused, feel dizzy, have balance problems, feel nausea or feel dazed?”
“No my head just hurts where I got hit. That’s it.”
“Ok you sound fine. Do you think you can walk around school today?”
“Uh I don’t know. I should be fine. If I can’t handle it I’ll just come back.” I smiled.
“Ok. Just so you know I have to call your parents and tell them what happen and your injuries. So don’t be surprised that they’ll know what happen before you tell them. Good luck, Samatha. You can come with me I’ll right you a late pass.”
I followed her out into her office. She got a piece of paper, wrote on it, and handed it to me.
“Thank you”
“You’re welcome.”
I limped out into the empty hall. Everyone is in first period by now. And everybody is also probably talking about how ‘Lisa Carson beat up Samatha Brown’. I sighed. I’m going to get pick on today. I walked, I mean, limped into me first period class.
“O.M.G. It’s true, and she got her good.” I heard some one whisper when I stepped in the room. I handed my pass to the teacher and sat down. Everyone was staring at me.
“Class pay attention! Now if x=5 than what it n?”

            First and second period was ok, but third period…not so much. It wasn’t really bad, just not good. I walked in and heard someone laughing. I looked up and saw it was my class mate, Alex, laughing at me. I also have to sit next to him. “Damn. She kicked yo’ ass!” He laughed. I just nodded. “Yeah I know.”
“Did ya fight back?
“ No.”
“Aw why not?” He laughed.
“Because I don’t fight.”
“It woulda been sick if you beat ho’ up though!”
“She’s pregnant I wouldn’t do that.”
“Eh, what ever.”
            The teacher walked in. “Sammy got beat up.” Alex announced. The whole class started laughing. “We all know, Alex just be quiet please.” Everyone laughed harder when she said that. I started to blush. The teacher talked and talked as I drifted back to the fight. I remember what Lisa said. ‘I see the way she looks at you! And how she talks about you. She likes you! No, she loves you.’ I smiled although that wasn’t a happy time it made me happy. How couldn’t it? She actually talks about me! And she loves me?! I know I so should not think about her that way but that fact still made my heart want to flutter. Do I love her? Maybe but I know I shouldn’t. My stomach grew sick when I thought about what I would do about Zoe. Would I still see her and just get in a fight until it kills me? What about the party? There’s no way I could go to Lisa’s boyfriend’s party with Zoey! She would kill me! Maybe even literally. How knows how bad I would be if the principal didn’t show up. I could be in the hospital. I guess God isn’t as mad at me as I thought.
            After about 30 minutes I heard the loud ring of the school bell. I walked out into the hall. “Sammy!” I heard Zoey say. I turned around. Sadness swept her smile away. “Oh my god! It is true.” She said with sadness and confusion. “How-H- How could she do this?! I-I-I-” She stuttered not really knowing what to say. “I’m so upset with her! I hate her!” She yelled.
“Don’t hate her. In her mind she was trying to protect you.”
“Are you joking?! Protect me from what?!”
“From me. She doesn’t want up to be together. She said to ‘break up’ with you. I said no and, well…” I gestured towards my head.
“Wha- what? She didn’t… I-” She was still baffled. “Well what did she do to you? I heard some crazy things. I heard she choked you, tried to stab you-”
“No! Not that bad. Just banged my head against a lock and kicked my leg; nothing too bad.” I smiled. She looked at me confused.
“How are you okay with this!?”
“I don’t know I just am. She may be mean but she cares about you. She hates me and doesn’t want me to be with you. Not for any good reason besides the fact she can’t stand me. It’s wrong what she did. But being angry won’t help.”
She sighed and shook her head.
“Well, I’m sorry. If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t be in this pain.”
“Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything. Now I got to get to class.” I walked away.
“I guess you can’t come to the party than.” She said ignoring my comment about class. Sadness filled her eyes. I knew why too. She was looking forward to tomorrow all week.
“I guess not” I shrugged. Her eyes watered.
“Don’t me sad. They’ll be other parties” I smiled. She was still sad. Extremely sad. I couldn’t let her be this sad. “You know what? Forget Lisa. I’ll go with you.” I smiled.
“No! I don’t want her to hurt you again!”
“She won’t and if she does oh well! I can take pain for you.” I smiled.
“This is too much I’ll think about it later! Bye, Sammy.” She said and walked off.
“Bye.”
            I slowly started to walk to my next class without looking like I was limping. I was getting sick of all the stares. But my attempt to hide the obvious change of my gait failed to stop the stares. Nor did it stop the whispers. Although I am grateful that they’re only whispers and I couldn’t pick out what they were saying. I really hate being the heart of the latest gossip in my school. At least it’s Friday. The talk may possibly expire after the weekend. All I have to worry about now is the date with Brian. I’m going to have to explain my injuries to him. That will be really embarrassing. Maybe I could go with the cliché ‘I fell’ story. But I’m sure he would end up hearing the real story eventually. I wonder what my parents will think of this. Would they be angry at her or maybe even me? My mom may find out about me and Zoe hanging out at school. I don’t know how my mom would react to that to be honest. It seems she has given up on me. She’s basically been giving me the silent treatment for the past several days. I don’t truthfully know her current feelings about me. I don’t even know if I would want to know them.

            Finally I heard the bell for lunch where I get to see Zoe; hopefully not for the last time. I grabbed the wrinkly brown bag out of my locker. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Zoe. “Hey” I smiled, although it didn’t look like she was going to smile back. “What’s wrong?” I asked once I realized anger masked her face. “What’s wrong?! I can’t believe you have the guts to say that!” She shook her head. I cocked my head to the side out of confusion. I didn’t know what she was talking about. Out of every day I have been her friend I haven’t done anything to upset her like this. “Oh, don’t pretend! We both know what you did!”
“Uh I don’t.”
“Bull! I trusted you and you do this!”

“Can you please this me what this is?”
“Seriously?! Just stop the act! I know you know and you know I know!”
“Know what?! Seriously, Zoey, I have no clue what you’re talking about!”
“Ok I’ll play along!” She rolled her eyes. “You lied about me… or us rather.”
“No I didn’t? Where did you hear that from?” I shook my head and laughed hoping for to join me but she didn’t.
“Now everything makes sense. My sister thinks you took my v-card which makes her pissed and she beats you up.”
“Your v-card? I never told anyone I took anything from you! Why would I even want anyone you thing I’m a thief” I laughed. “I don’t even know what a v-card is.” I shook my head. “Now let’s go to lunch.” I started to walk away but she grabbed my arm and stopped me. “No, Sammy, you don’t get it. A v-card isn’t an object” She rolled her eyes. “It’s like slang ….for virginity. Everyone thinks me and you slept together. Now they think I’m a lesbian whore because of you! I can’t believe you would do this!”
I wanted to just jump into a hole and never come out. This day went from bad to worse. First everyone was talking about, now there’s a nasty rumor about me, and now the only friend I have hates me!
            “Zoe, it’s just a rumor! You got to believe me! I would never do that to you. Not to mention it affects me too! Why would I want people to think I’m gay for?!”
“Excuse me, is there something wrong with being gay?!”
“Well, yeah it’s…”
“It’s what?!” She raised a brow.
“It’s wrong.” I shrugged.
“Are you kidding me? I can’t believe you today. I could forgive a nasty rumor that you might have started, but this is just…disgusting!” Her eyes started to water.
“Zoey I didn’t mean anything by it! I’m just saying its wrong! I’m sorry I hurt you, really I am.”
“No your not. My sister was right about you, you’re just like your mom! You’re not capable of loving a person more than you love your religion!” A tear fell from her eyes.
“That’s not true! Zoe, I really care about you. Trust me I do!” I walked up and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Zoe”
“Hey, you guys going fo’ another quickie?!” Josh shouted at us. Zoe pulled away from me, gave me a cold glare and walked away. I sighed. My world was crumbling in my hands. I don’t even think I can remember all the problems I have. I slowly swallowed down my despair as a lump appeared in my throat. I walked to the cafeteria alone where I sat and ate by myself. I might as while get use to it. It looks like I’ll be alone for the rest f my life.



       The bus stopped in front of my house. Now time to find out what my house had in it. Parents that are mad at me or parents that are mad at Lisa?  I stepped off the bus slightly relieved that the day was over but nervous about what is going on through my parents mind. I walked up until I open up the snow white door. I take a deep breath and step in. “Hello.” I smile. “What happened to day? I mean I know what happened but what started it?!”
I shrugged. “I don’t know Lisa really doesn’t like me at all.” I lied. Well, not about Lisa not liking me which I guess technically isn’t true; she plains out hates me. About the part where I said I don’t know why she did it. She did it because she doesn’t want her little sister being with me.
“Well, don’t get comfortable yet. We are going down to Lisa’s house and having a talk with her mother!”
My shoulders dropped. I didn’t want to. I just wanted to just forget about life for awhile.
“Okay.” I said any ways.
“Well, let’s go. You dad’s staying home by the way.”
“Okay.” I smiled my fake smile.
           
            We walked out and went into the car. She drove me there with out saying a word which let me just relax for awhile. Or well at least try to. My stomach was in a knot. I never met Lisa’s mother. My mom has but I haven’t But I can’t imagine she’s nice since she raised Lisa. And Lisa is a pretty scary chick. I took a deep breathe. I saw my mom pull into a rock filled driveway. There was a small, simple, light yellow house. She opens the car door. “Come on Samatha.” I obey her and get out the car. I walk behind her as she walks up and knocks on the brown door.
            After a few moments a slender, brunette with curvy hair, probably in her early 30’s opens the door. She wore a pink blouse and jeans. She had a caring smile and looked so nice and gentle. She smiled a warm smile at us. I was sure we had the wrong house until she said in a gentle yet strong voice. “I know why you’re here, Carol. I apologize for my daughter. I really do. I raised her better than this and I won’t let it happen again. And I apologize to you too Samatha. You aren’t in too much pain are you?” She asked. I just nodded because I don’t think I can speak quite yet. I’m still shocked at how nice she was. Yet again she did raise Zoe who is also nice. Maybe Lisa is just the black sheep of the family.
            “Where is Lisa anyways?” My mom asked.
“She’s in jail. Her boyfriend is bailing her out tomorrow though. I don’t know what got into her! I honestly don’t. I knew she was a little rough around the edges but…” She shook her head. “Do you guys want to come in for a while?”
“Sure.” My mom said and walked in. We sat on a little white couch. The house’s interior was actually quite nice. It was clean and looked like an average modern house. It even had a T.V. which I find quite odd compared to my house which has only one T.V. that belongs to my parents. There was a group of people on it. I didn’t really get enough time to understand the topic of the show. I think it was full of drama about love or something though. Suzy turned the volume down to being inaudible. She took a deep breath.
            “I know your upset, Carol. I am too. I’m not going to sit here and defend my daughter because what she did was awful. But I hope we can work this out without pressing charges.”
“We’ll worry about that later. Right now I want to worry about more than just the fight. I also am concerned about your other daughter.”
“Zoey? What did she do.”
“She didn’t do one thing in particular. It’s just her in general. She’s a bad influence on Samatha.”
“How is that?”
“For one she’s an atheist, she’s disrespectful, and she’s making my Samatha go down the path of being a sinner.”
“Well just a correction me and Lisa are atheist. Zoe is an agnostic. She actually is quite interesting in religion. Or at least religious stories. Also Zoey is a very respectful girl. I never seen her disrespect anyone. Well at least no when she was a teenager.”
“Well that not the point. I’m not here to debate rather or not your daughter is good or not. I just don’t want them being together, I just want you to know that.”
“I’m sorry, Carol, but I can’t control that. They’re nearly adults and if they want to be a friend that’s not something I can do much about. Plus I don’t see the harm in them being friends. They’re not making trouble together.”
“Zoey is a sinner, Suzy! I don’t want her in my house tainting my daughter!”
“I respect your religion. But can I ask how is my ruining you daughters spiritual views?”
“She’s questioning them! Besides I’m strict about her friends. She’s only allowed to be friends with Christians.”
“Don’t you think that’s a bit rude? Surely if you want someone to respect your religious views you have to respect theirs too.”
“This is more than respect! It’s a matter of heaven and hell! I’m not having your daughter taking my daughter to hell with her!”
“Carol, please be respectful. My daughter is wonderful and I don’t appreciate you disrespecting her like this.”
“Listen, Suzy. I don’t want to start a fight. I came to talk to Lisa actually but that plan won’t be happening. I just want to find out why she beat up my child. Do you have any idea?”
“Well according to what I heard she did it because she doesn’t want Samatha and Zoey to be friends. Lisa is very strange I must say. She’s intolerant of religion and doesn’t like her little sister. I’ll talk to her about this, trust me.”
“Good. Please tell her I won’t press charges but if she does it again I will with out question.”
“I understand.” She smiled. “Samatha, I heard about your misunderstanding with Zoey if you want to you can talk to her. She’s in her room. It’s the last room down the hall.”
My mom reluctantly gave a nod of approval.
“Okay. Thanks.” I smiled.
“Your welcome.”
I got up and walked down the hall. I saw a door with the name “Zoey” on it. I took a deep breath. I knocked and bit my lip. “Come in, mom.”
“It’s Samatha.”  After a few seconds the door opened.
Zoe looked at me with confusion. “Sammy? What are you doing here?!”
“My mom came over to talk about the drama. Can I come in?”
“I guess.” She said with no enthusiasm.
I stepped in. Her room was mainly light purple with a T.V. in it.
“You have a T.V in your room?!” I asked out of amazement.
“Yes. Did you come to talk about my T.V?”
“No. Sorry I’m just … surprised. Anyways- I came to apologize about what I said. I didn’t mean it. I’m just confused really.”
“About what exactly?”
“About everything! I don’t know if it’s wrong or not. I don’t know what to believe. And about the rumors. I didn’t start it. If I did please believe me I would confess. But I didn’t. Why would I anyways? Why would want any of that attention around me for?”
 “That’s true. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that without asking you about it first.”

“Let’s just get over this. There’s more problems to worry about.” I frowned

Chapter 4

(If you're new click here to start at chapter 1 :)

            It was dinner time. Mom made ham, mashed potatoes, carrots, and broccoli. We all sat down at the table. Zoey took some mashed potatoes, carrots, and broccoli. “You can have some ham you know.” My mom said to her. “I know but I don’t want any. I don’t eat meat.” She shrugged. “Well you need some protein.”
“I got all the protein I need in my veggies. You know how much protein is in broccoli? Meat’s actually a poor source of protein compared to some veggies.” She shrugged.
“What ever.” was all my mom spit out. I strangely liked it when she get’s outsmarted by Zoey. “Let us say grace.” Mother smiled and bowed her head.
“Praise God, from whom all blessings flow...

For food in a world where many walk in hunger;
For faith in a world where many walk in fear;
For friends in a world where many walk alone;
We give you thanks, O Lord. Amen.”
We raised our heads and we started to eat.
“So how do you stand not eating meat?!” My dad asked like it was big deal.
“I do it easily. That’s how.” She laughed. My dad laughed back. “Eh, what ever. How long have you not been eating meat?”
“About a year or so.”
“Dang, I’d rather die than not eat meat for a year.” He laughed. I wonder why he didn’t just drop it.
“To be honest I’d rather die than eat meat for a year.” She shrugged trying to eat her meal with out my dad’s annoying comments. He just laughed and took a bit of his ham.
“You’re crazy. That’s a very unhealthy lifestyle.”
“Really it is? That must be why meat eaters have a 50 percent chance of a heart attack and vegetarians have a 15 percent.”
“Greg, Zoey, let’s just enjoy our meal and be thankful we have any food at all.” My mother smiled. I was surprise that she was the one provoking peace. “You right. This is awesome broccoli, by the way.” She smiled. “Thank you.” My mom smiled back.

            After dinner my mom sat at the dinner table “reading” her magazine. I knew she was actually watching and listening to us. “So, are you excited for church?” I asked. She shook her head. “Yes I am.” She said to please mom even though it wasn’t true. I giggled along with her. She pulled out a rectangular device. It took me a while to recognize it. “Is that an iPod?”
 I asked. She shook her head.
“It’s an iPhone.”
“Oh.” I asked even though I didn’t understand it completely.
“Want to listen to some music?”
“Unless it’s a Christian song than she’s not allowed.” My mom interrupted before I could answer. Zoey held in a laugh.
“Ok.” She smiled.
“Sorry.”  I cringed out of embarrassment.
“Well what do you want to do than?” she asked. There was so much tension between us. Not in an awkward way, more of an ‘I want you but my moms in the room’ way; even though I was still confused as to what to feel.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Want to play board game?” I shrugged.
“Sure what do you have?”
“I’ll show you.” I took her hand and took her to the closet in the hall. To be honest I only took her as an excuse. I opened the closet door.
“Sorry, Monopoly, Clue, Life, that’s about it.”
“Hmm, how about life?” She shrugged.

            After a few boring games and awkward silence it was 10:00 P.M., which is bed time. My mom had blankets ready in the living room for me and Zoe. I noticed there were more blankets than necessary. Way more than two girls would need in this weather. “Mom you can put back some blankest. We won’t be needed all of them.” I smiled. “I know you won’t need the extra ones, but I will. I’m sleeping out here with you to night. I thought I told you.” She shrugged. Although Zoe’s face didn’t really change, once I looked into her eyes I could tell she was majorly disappointed. “Oh” I said. “Well let’s get some sleep ,girls, We gotta get up early for church.” Mom said. Zoe lied down on the couch parallel to mine while mom was lying on the recliner.

            I woke up and could smell the scent of pancakes through the house. I lifted up my head and turned in to the table where I saw Zoey and my dad waiting for their food, which was still making. I got out of bed and fixed my hair up a bit. “Hey you’re up! We were just about to wake you.” My dad smiled. I smiled back and sat at my usual chair. My mom went a round and placed 3 strawberry pancakes on everyone’s plate and a small pitcher of home made syrup in the center. She sat down and smiled “Before we ate let us say grace.
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow...

For food in a world where many walk in hunger;
For faith in a world where many walk in fear;
For friends in a world where many walk alone;
We give you thanks, O Lord. Amen”

            We all ate our pancakes without really talking. As I said my mom was an amazing cook. There was not one burnt on any of the pancakes, not even one strawberry wasn’t warm and fresh. The syrup was warm and had a unique taste I can’t describe. “Mrs. Brown, you are an amazing cook!” Zoey smiled. “Thank you.” I swear I saw my mom blush a little. “You’re welcome.” Zoey smiled back.
            Once my mother noticed we were all done she said “Well, let’s get ready for church. I’m going to get a shower now.” “Ok, Carol, I’m just gonna read the new paper.” My dad leaned back and reached for the news paper on the counter. Me and Zoe walked over to the couch. “Do you want to get a shower after my mom?” I asked her. “Sure” She shrugged. “What time did you wake up?” I asked looking at the clock which stated it was 7:20 AM. “Uhdon’tknow around 6:30 ish. I’m a bit of an early bird.” She smiled. “Oh.” I said. “I had this crazy dream last night.” Zoe smiled.
“We were surrounded by pink fog. It was so thick and it was turning more and more pink and thick. For some reason we had to be together, like we literally could not pull apart and your parents kept trying to pull anyway from each other and save us from the fog. But the fog wasn’t bad or hurting us. It was healing us and making us happy.”

I raised an eyebrow at her.
“I know it’s weird” She giggles. “What did you dream last night?” She smiled that charming smile which I swear makes my heart stop every time she does.
“I didn’t have any.” I shrugged.
“Not true. Every one dreams every single night. If you think you didn’t than you just forgot them. It’s sad how easily we forget our dreams, really. They always have an important message. But even when we do remember them they’re so freaking crazy and confusion it’s hard to interpret.” She laughed a single laugh.
“Are you like a dream expert or something?” I laugh.
“Nah I just read a book on the subject a while back.” She smiled.

I heard the water in my parents bathroom turn off.
“You can get a shower now.”
“That was quick.” She said.
“My mom is big on saving water so she takes quick showers.”
“Oh, ok.” She got her bag and went down the hall.

            I sat down in the couch. I was rather bored. The only thing to do was to listen to the waving of the ceiling fan. For some reason I have the urge to paint. I don’t know what but I just wanted to paint. I walked in my room and went through my old paintings in the closet. Not all of my paintings were in there though, some was under my bed and the rest were in boxes in the basement. I have too many to keep just in my closet. Most of them were religious, few were of famous sightings I’ve been to, some were famous sightings I want to go to, some were of animals, some were still objects and some were completely abstract non sense. I even did a self portrait, but I did that one a few years back when I was 13. I had a random idea at that moment; I want to paint a picture of Zoe! I really want to do it right now to be honest. But I figure I would wait. I wonder what Zoe is going to wear to church. I admit I am a little nervous to see. I don’t want to be revealing because my mom would be upset if it is. But I’m sure she knows better than that.
            I put the paintings back and got off my knees. I shuffle through my assortment of dresses. I picked out the prettiest one I could; a slightly sparkly, gold dress. It goes below the knees because that’s my mom’s rule. I found a pair of gold flats to go with it. I looked inside my box of bows and found a gold bow with an almost identical hue as my dress and shoes. Finally I went through my jewelry box and found a white bracelet and a gold necklace to complete my outfit. I folded the dress and held it in my arms.
            Eventually Zoey got stepped of the bathroom. She was wearing a long sky blue dress that would actually be acceptable for even me to wear; she had short pink heels and a strawberry necklace around her neck. “You look… like cotton candy.” I laughed.
“Thank you.” She laughed back.
            “I’ll be out soon.” I smiled and walked into the bathroom. I placed the folded dress on a shelf far away from the shower so it would not get wet. I disrobed and turn the shower handle towards the little fire sign. I stepped into the shower. Warm water flowed and bounced off my skin. I must say it did relax me a lot and made me want to go back to bed. But I much rather go to church.

            After I was done in the shower I dried my water mottled skin and hair. I put on my clothes and walked out of the bathroom in to my room. Zoe was sitting on my bed. “Yo.” She smiled. “Hi” I said back. I put on my jewelry that I laid out earlier. I grabbed my brush and brushed out my hair. “Sooo what time exactly is church?” Zoe asked.
“8:30 am. So we leave around 8:00 A.M.”I said, she just nodded. I tied my hair in a pony tail. “Aww. You put your hair back.” Zoe complained.
“I have to.” I said as I slipped on my flats.

“You looks pretty” she smiled.
            “Thank you. So do you.” I smiled back. I sat down beside her. I suppressed the urge to wrap my arm around her but I didn’t want to start a ‘moment’. She looked into my eyes. Her bright green eyes were so bright and shiny I couldn’t stop looking. It was almost like she was hypnotizing me with them.
“Sammy, I meant to ask earlier.” She whispered. “Do you have any idea what you might what to wear to the party? You can borrow an outfit of mine, unless you want to go to a party wearing a floral church dress.” She laughed.
“I don’t know. But no pants or anything that goes above my knees.”
She shook her head.
“Fine.” She looked down at her outfit. “How about this dress?” She asked.
I looked at it. It was a mix between my typical attire and something I could wear to a party without embarrassment. “Ok. By the way, how crazy will this party be?” I whispered.
“I won’t lie they’re will be drinking and possibly even drugs.” My eyes grew wide when she said that.
“But don’t worry I won’t let anyone pressure you!” My stomach grew sick. I thought the wildest thing at there would be dancing, not sex and drugs!
“Why didn’t you tell me this?”
She just shrugged.
“Never thought it was a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?! It’s a huge deal!” I sighed I don’t want to go but I have to for Zoe.
“Sorry, but you’ll have fun. And I want you to go sooo bad!”
A thought just hit me.
“Wait it’s your sister’s boyfriend’s party? That means your sister will be there.”
“No she won’t. She doesn’t party as much since she’s been prego. She’ll be at home. I mean she is 9 months pregnant!”
“Oh.” I said with relief.
“Are you kids ready?” I head my mother’s voice say.
“Yeah.” I said to her. “Let’s go” I told Zoe.

            We arrived at the church. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining through the trees. I looked at Zoe and she was smiling her bright smile at me. A glare from the sun was in her eyes and it made her eyes look even brighter. It took me heaps of self control to not press my lips to hers. I felt bad for having that urge. I took a deep breath to calm my self. I promise myself that I’ll ask the priest for a confession soon. I have been sinning way too much in the past day few days, all because of Zoey. And next Saturday I’m sneaking out to a party which is a huge sin! I don’t want to be a sinner but I really like Zoe! I’m in a rock and a hard place.
            I just tried to brush it off for now and follow my parents into the church. We sat together at our usual seats, which is in the front row. It was still a few minutes until church starts. We just sat there quietly along with the other rows of people. Eventually the Priest came up and opened the bible.
           
 “Good morning, everyone. Let us began this beautiful Sunday morning with a prayer:
Dear lord and heavenly father,
please bless us on this fine morning that you gratefully gave to us.
Please forgive our sins so we can join your magnificent realm.
And thank you for the life you have given us.
Thank you for the family and friends we have
and the love you gave them that they generously share.
And thank you for this beautiful day.
Amen.”
“Amen” every one quietly mimicked.
I saw Zoey raising her hand in my peripheral vision.
“I have I question.” She said.
All I could do was gape and hope for the best.
“Yes?” The priest asked with slight confusion.
“Why do we say ‘Amen’ rather that ‘Awomen’ or even ‘Ahuman’ that way it’s not sexist?” My heart dropped. I was scared and embarrassed at the same time. This has to be a dream.
“Young lady I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t question the lord’s work.”
“Sorry. I didn’t know he would care. I’m just interested.” She shrugged.
I shut my eyes and put my palm to my face. This can not be happening. I am dreaming. Wake up, Samatha! Please wake up. I open my eyes expecting to wakeup in the living room with Zoe and my mom. But no luck, I was still in church. The energy was filled with awkwardness, anger, and confusion. The priest coughed. “Well, he would mind. So please be respectful.” He said. Zoe just nodded. My mom gaped at Zoey but Zoey just shrugged. I sighed hoping it was over.
            The priest told the story of Adam and Eve. I always liked this story, it was my favorite. I wonder what was going through Zoe’s mind.  I wonder if she was offended be cause she’s gay and this story is about how man and woman should be together. Maybe she wasn’t paying attention. I looked over at her, and she clearly was. She wasn’t sighing or looking away. Her eyes were locked on the priest. I felt kind of happy knowing she was interested in my favorite bible story, rather than mocking it like I expected. I also was happy she didn’t seem offended. I hate seeing her hurt. It would be even worse if the source of that pain was my religion which is very important to me. The priest went on and on as I was listening to every word.
           
            The service was finally over after an hour or so. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. But it still wasn’t necessarily good. We walked out to the car. My mom was slightly upset. Once we got into the car my mom said “I’m disappointed in you. That was very disrespectful!”
“I didn’t think it was. I was interested and was asking a question. That’s what you do when you’re learning.
“Of course you wouldn’t think it’s disrespectful” She shook her head. “You just don’t understand! I bet you haven’t even been to church before today.”
“No I haven’t.” She said without a thought.
My mom sighed. “God made and gave everything you have! You can’t question that, you clod!”
“I wasn’t questioning what he gave me. I asked a question out of curiosity.”
“You back talked to the priest! You know what I am not the slightest surprised you would act this way. Look at your family!”
“Oh no…” I mumbled to myself.
“Excuse me? What’s wrong with my family?!”
“Ha, what’s wrong with your family?! Your mother and sister are atheists! Your 18 year old sister is pregnant and hasn’t been married! Plus she-”
“Excuse me, but my family is awesome! They let me believe what I want; they love me, protect me, and don’t judge me! Maybe you should take notes!”
“What does that mean?!”
“I mean you don’t let Sammy do anything!” My heart just dropped when she said that. I knew where this was going.
“She can’t dress the way she wants, she’s not even allowed to wear her hair down in public, she can’t listen to music that isn’t Christian, you control her like a slave and I never once saw you show her love! I’ve tried to be nice and respectful but you’re crazy! Your house is like a strict prison rather than a home!”
“You’re banned! You’re banned from my house and daughter. If I see you interacting with Samatha, not Sammy, I will contact the police!”
Zoe laughed. “Banned from your home? That’s a privilege, darling.”
I took a deep breath and spoke. “Mother you can’t legally ban her from Me.”
“Well even if I can’t, know that if you hang out with her you’re a sinner and will burn in hell.”
“That makes no sense” Zoe said.
“Honor thy mother. It’s a commandment. It’s a sin not to listen.” Mother said.
“You seriously are bat shizz crazy!” Zoey laughed. “There’s a difference between respecting your mother and listening to every single thing she says. Sammy doesn’t have to listen to every damn word you say in order to ‘honor’ you.”
“Listen young lady, you’re a bad influence on Samatha! I can’t believe you were raised like this! Just stay away from my daughter and there will be no trouble.”
“You can’t control us! I hope you know that. She’s a human not a robot you can program to do what you want.”
“You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do! You’re a child and I’m the adult. I am forbidding you from my child. It’s not up to you! My child, my choice.” My mom shrugged looking out the window.
“Well see about that.” Zoey smiled.

            We pulled into the driveway. “I hope you know you’re not staying.” Mom said.
“I don’t plan to. I’m gonna get my stuff and leave.” “Fine.” Mom said. We walked into the house. Zoey took her heels off and slipped her sneakers back on. She grabbed her bag and left. A tear rolled down my face. My worst fear came alive. “Don’t cry over that littler sinner.” My mom said. “She’s right though.”
“Samatha Grace what are you talking about?!”
“You never show me love. You act like I’m a dog you just train. Zoe has shown me more love in the past two days than you have in my whole life. You never once said ‘I love you’. Zoe made me happy. And not letting me see her just shows you really don’t care about me.”
“Samatha I’m doing this for your own good! Look at you your already back talking to your mother after spending only two days with her. Give it a week and you’ll be as bad as her.”
“She’s not bad! You can be so conceded! If someone doesn’t see the world the way you do you automatically label them a sinner.”
“SAMATHA GRACE BROWN I WILL NOT TOLERANT THIS!”
“Of course you won’t! You don’t tolerant any thing, even freedom.” I should really shut my mouth. My brain is telling me to but my heart already chose what to say.
“I can not believe you are acting this way! You use to be perfect now you’re gazing down the road to sin town!”
I couldn’t think of anything to say. If Zoe was here she would know the perfect thing to say. I just sighed.
“I’m sorry mother I will still respect you but I refuse to stop seeing Zoe.”
“I am warning you, Samatha, you will become sinner if you do. I’m so disappointed in you right now I can’t even think straight! 17 years of raising you into the perfect child and than Zoey comes along and ruins it in just two days.” She shakes her head.
“Just please answer me, mom. Do you love me?”
“I don’t know anymore.”
My heart broke. I ran into my room. I shut and locked the door. The tears were flowing so fast I couldn’t see through my blurry eyes. I never planned this weekend to be this ghastly. My mom basically admitted she doesn’t love me. I got on my knees and put the palm of my hands together. “Dear God, I’m sorry for my sins. I ask of you to forgive me. I ask you to please guide me because I’m so confused and hurt right now. Please help me or give me a sign to help me. Amen”
            I sighed and grabbed the necklace Zoe had given me Friday. I put it around my neck. It reminded me of the party I was going to next Saturday. Should I even go? I really like Zoe, but God would be upset. At least I think he would be. No where in the bible does it say you can’t have fun. Maybe I should apologize to my mother. Maybe she should apologize to me? I am so lost. I just want God to give me something! A sign or something I don’t care! I’m so lost. I feel like I’m on a boat alone on a stormy sea. My mom hates me, I’m banned from the only person who loves me, I might be gay, and I’m going to hell now. All because of Zoe, I was on a trail to heaven but she derailed me and now the next stop is hell. I am sure of that. You can’t do what I just did and stand a chance in heaven. But I’m not mad at Zoe. I still love her, maybe a little more than I should. She completes my life. She just went against my mother to protect me. She actually cares about me. More than my mother does.
            I heard the phone ring. “Hello? Yes she is here.” My mom said. My heart dropped that wasn’t Zoe obviously. So that leaves on person. “Samatha, Brian is on the phone.” Oh great, perfect timing. I walked out and retrieved the phone. My mother eyes were cold. I gulped and walked back into my room.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Samatha.”
“Hi.”
“I just called to ask you on a second date. I really enjoyed the first. I really like you, Samatha.”
My stomach grew butterflies. I don’t like him that way and he may want to be my boyfriend. I had no clue what to say.
“Well, um sure that would be fine.” I rolled my eyes. Why did I just tell him that?!

“Great! This Friday?”
“Sure.” I said upset with myself.
I’m going on a date with a boy I don’t like and I’m only gonna break his heart.

Chapter 3

(If you're new click here to start at chapter 1 :)

       “SAMATHA! It’s morning get up!”  I heard my mother shout. I rolled out of bed, and walked out of my room. “Samatha, I think I’m starting to hear things.” She laughed. “Were you talking to someone last night?” She asked. My heart skipped a beat. I can’t lie to her but there’s no way I can tell her about last night! “Um who would I be talking to?” It’s not a lie, just a question. “I don’t know just answer my question.” “Well, I did pray last night. But that’s it. Maybe you heard that?” I felt sick to my stomach for lying but I’ll pray for forgiveness later. “Hm, maybe.”
        “Well I’m going to get a shower.” I smiled and walked away. I stepped into the cold bathroom and locked the door. I turned the water on warm and disrobed. I stepped into the shower and slid the door shut. I grabbed my favorite coconut scented conditioner and massaged it through my hair. After a few seconds I realized I was singing a Christian hymn. It made me wonder what other music is out there? My mom doesn’t let me explore the out side world. I never went on a computer or watch TV except for at school. I’m not allowed to listen to the radio. My mom said there’s too much evil music in America’s pop culture. However I still let my mind wander as to what it would sound like. Maybe Zoey would know.

        I stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around me. I walked out of the bathroom and into my room. I took the towel and dried off my body. My mind started to wander about the outside world yet again. I thought of all the TV shows or websites hat are popular. At school I hear their names and at most get the jest of what they’re about, but I’ve never seen or been on them. I heard kids sing popular songs but never really heard the real songs. I got dressed and put the red bow in my hair. I wondered if I could put the make up on myself. I’m not allowed because my mom said she wants to do it her self. Yet I still wonder. I never put make up on before so I wonder how it would turn out. It would probably end up horrible. I laughed to my self imagining the outcome. I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn’t like what I saw. Not in a low self esteem way. But my outfit was not me at all! It looked too old fashion and lame.
      I walked out of the bedroom and sat at the breakfast table. Bacon eggs and toast as usual. “Samatha I like your dress.” My dad smiled. “Thank you, father.” “Your welcome, Samatha.” He smiled. I picked up the toast and took a bite. One good about my mom is her food. My mother is an awesome cook. She took culinary classes in her early 20’s. She wanted to be the perfect wife and that meant cooking. It also includes giving away your happiness and dignity. At least that’s what mother says. My stomach grew sick thinking about being married. Giving my whole life away for some guy I barley know. I sighed and ate my breakfast. “Are you excited for date?” Dad asked. “Yes.” I smiled. My mom frowned at me. “This may be the start of something big. I don’t want you to mess it up.” She grabbed the half eaten plate away from me. “I don’t want you gaining any more weight your getting pudgy.”
“Carol, she is not.” My dad protested. “Yes she is. I don’t want Brian to reject you.” I nodded even though I felt like crying. I never considered my 127 pound figure pudgy but according to my mom it is. “Eh, don’t listen to your mom. Do you how many girls would kill to have your figure?” He smiled. “I’m not saying she’s fat, Greg, just needs to not gain any more weight.” He just sighed and shook his head.
      “Go take a walk, Samatha. Just for a few minutes to burn off the breakfast.” Mother said to me. “Ok I got up and walked out side. I felt a lump in my throat. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t because god was watching. I slowly suppressed it. I wondered if this is what my vision meant. Maybe it was symbolic. That I need to eat less or I’ll never get a man. Maybe God was sending me a message. I started to walk faster.
      After a few minutes I came back in. My dad was at the couch read the paper while my mother was doing the dishes. I walked in to my room. I grabbed the necklace Zoey gave me. I put it on and looked at my self in the mirror. It didn’t match my out fit very well but I still wish I could wear it on my date. However my mom would not allow it. Plus how could I tell her where I got it?! I took the necklace back off and hid it deep in on of my drawers. I wonder how this evening would go. Not with Brian but with Zoe. How would my mother treat her? Would She be nice, rude, or keep to her self? My mother has never been involved with someone that’s not Christian for so long. Heck, she even gets mad at Christians who translate the bible differently than she does. My stomach grew thinking about it. I took a deep breath and tried now to worry about it for now.

      It was 2:00 PM I had my heels and make up on. I felt butterflies in my stomach. This was my first date ever. What if I mess it up? I’m not sure how these things work to be honest. What if he thinks I’m ugly? What if he thinks I’m too trampy? What if he actually likes me?! I don’t like him how would I tell him I don’t want him? Would I even me allowed to? Will my parents make me be with him? A knock on the door broke my train of thought. “That’s him!” I said as I walked to the door. “I’ll be back soon. “Have fun!” my dad smiled. I opened the door and saw Brian standing there with a bouquet of flowers. “Wow, you look amazing. Uh, these are for you.” He handed me the flowers while smiling his stunning smile. “Thank you.” I smiled back.   
      I walked to his car with him by my side. He opened my door for me. “Thank you.” I smiled at him. “Your welcome, Samatha.” He smiled. He walked over and entered his side of the door. We pulled out of my driveway and were on the rode. “So do you have any idea what you want to eat?” He smiled at me. “I don’t know yet maybe a steak. They have really good steak.” I smiled. “That sounds good. I don’t really know what I want.” He smiled.

      When we arrived there he pulled out my chair for me. I must say he is polite and would be someone I wouldn’t mind having as a friend but I just don’t feel right thinking about marrying someone, at least not now. “May I take your drink order?” a tall young guy in his 20’s asked. “Yes I’ll have a Pepsi.” “I’ll have cherry cola” I smiled. “Ok coming right up.” The guy walked away. “So, tell me a bit about yourself.” Brian smiled at me. “Well I’m a senior at Marlinton High. I can’t drive but I might get my permit next month. My best friend is Zoey Carson. She goes to my school. She’s awesome” I smiled.
“Carson, that name sounds familiar. Does she have a sister or brother?”
“Yeah, Lisa Carson.”
“Lisa Carson. Her boyfriend lives next door to us!” He laughed.
“Really?”
“Yeah my mom hates that guy.”
“But your like rich, wouldn’t you live in a rich fancy neighbor hood?”
“I do.”
“Than how could her boyfriend afford to live in a rich neighborhood?”
“Who said he wasn’t rich?”
“He’s rich?!”
“Yup.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah. Well his dad is. He gets the money when his parents pass though.”
“Wow I didn’t expect that. I thought he would live on the streets or a trailer at the most.”
He laughed a warm laugh.
“No but his parents are incredibly mad he knocked up a poor person. They’re very smug people. My parents don’t like them much; they give a bad name to rich people.”
“Oh. What’s her boyfriends name anyway?”
“Brad Larson. He’s a pretty bad dude I must say. He has tattoos all over his arms, piercings all over his face, drives this big expensive motorcycle. I try to avoid me he could beat me up in a heart beat.” He chuckled.
“Your drinks are here.” The waiter said while placing two drinks on our table.
“Thank you.” Brian smiled.
“Your welcome, are you ready to order?”
“Yeah I’ll have the spaghetti meal.”
“And I’ll have the steak medium rare.”
“Mashed potatoes or coleslaw?” The waiter asked.
“Coleslaw.”
“Ok your order should be here soon.”
“You look so beautiful today.” He smiled at me.
“Thank you” I smiled but to be honest I was embarrassed. I don’t like being complimented.
He gazed into my eyes. I felt slightly uncomfortable at him doing that.
“Sorry, I just can’t stop staring at you. You’re gorgeous.” He chuckled. I admit that made my esteem issue from earlier go down.
“Thank you.”

       Eventually we got done with our food and he dropped me off at my house. He walked me to my house. “Maybe we could have a second date sometime.” He smiled. “Maybe.” I smile. He bit his lips and leaned in closer. I leaned back a bit but not far enough for him to notice. He gently caressed my check and pressed his lips against mine. I was slightly confused but kissed him back anyway. He smiled at me. “I-I’ll call you sometime.” “Sure” I smiled back. He walked off and I walked into my house.
“Samatha, how was your date?!” My mother asked. “Good I guess. I don’t really have a connection with him.” I admitted. “Yeah it is too soon to feel anything. Wait a few dates.” She smiled. I really hope she wasn’t expecting too much. “Well I’m going to call Zoe!” I smiled. “Remember the rules!” My mom reminded me. “And wash off that make up!” “Ok.” I smiled and went in to the bathroom. I took a wash cloth out of the cabinet. I turned the tap on warm and placed the cloth under the water. I rubbed the towel on my face until my make up completely vanished.

I walked out of the room and grabbed the home phone. I took the phone in my room. After a few rings I heard Zoe’s voice.

“Hey, Sammy.” She said.
“Hi. I just got back from my date.”
“Ooh” She said in a mocking manner. “Did you kiss him?”
“Maybe.” I giggled. “I’ll tell you about it when you get here.”  
“Okay. Ugh, it sucks we can’t go any where. I’m dying to take you to the mall! When I get my first paycheck I’m sooo taking you on a shopping spree!
“Nah you don’t have to do that for me. Besides I couldn’t even wear any of the clothes without my mother freaking out.”
“She wouldn’t have to know.”
“Jesus would.”
“You’re such a goody-goody. You need to live while you’re still living!”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean go out and party while wearing a mini skirt! Dance, sing, scream, blast the radio and punch a baby!”
“Punch a baby?”
“Ok that last part was over exaggerating, but still you need to do something besides sitting at home, wearing your floral dress while reading the bible! Next weekend you should sneak out and come to a part with me and my sister.”
“NOOOO! Are you crazy?! I would never ever do that!”
“Awww come on it would be sooo fun! Brad, my sister’s B.F., is having a party and he’s loaded! He has the best parties! I pick you up at 11:30 while your parents sleep and take you home at 1:30ish! It would be fun and you won’t get in trouble. If you do you can blame it all on me”
I admit I am tempted but I know I can’t.
“No. I’m not going to risk it.”
“Fiiine, but you have no idea how much this would mean to me.” She whined.
      I quickly fantasized about seeing the happiness in her eyes because I was with her. I thought about it. My mother never checks on me when I sleep. I just lock the door, turn off the lights, climb out the window, go down the street to where she’s waiting for me, and go to the party after she gives me the right clothes to wear. I go there until it’s 1 A.M and she drops me off at the end of the of my neighbor hood and I go to be and wake up like nothing happened. I mean yes it’s a sin and all but sins will be forgiven you ask for it. All I could think about how much it would mean to Zoe. I love seeing her smile.
“Would it really make you that happy?”
“Yes! It would be awesome to show you off.” She laughed. I admit I was flattered someone would want to show me off. My mother always hides me from the world behind these dresses and I admit that hurts me a bit. So the thought of Zoe wanting to actually show me off to the world was enough for me to agree to it.
“Fiiine I’ll do it.”
“OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY?!” She yelped.
“Yeah I guess.”
She squealed. “That’s so awesome! I can’t wait until next Friday!”
I can’t believe I’m doing this! I’m not doing it for me though; I’m doing it for Zoe.
I feel like I would do anything for her.
“Well, are you coming over here or what?” I teased.
“Sure I’ll be coming over soon, bossy. I’m all packed. I even have my Church outfit.” She laughed at the word church.
“Ok than I’ll see you soon.”
“Bye.”
“Bye,” I hung up the phone.
I admit I am very nervous about my mother. My dad should be fine but my mom is what worries me the most.
I walked out to the living room. “She’ll be here soon.” I smiled. “Great can’t wait to meet her.” My dad smiled even though I could tell he was just as nervous as me. “I’m going to wait outside. So she’ll no what house is mine.” I smiled. “Ok Samatha.” My mother approved.
      I walked out side and sat on the patio swing. After about 10 minutes I saw a shiny silver 2011 Cadillac roll into our drive way. I walked up to it and Zoey stepped out wearing ripped skinny jeans and a plain white T-shirt. “This is your car?! Are you like rich?” I asked. She laughed a single laugh. “Nooo, but as I said Brad is. I forgot to mention he’s freaking awesome! He bought me this for my 18^th birthday. You should see my sister’s car! 2011 Jaguar, it’s freaking amazing! And his parties at his mansions are sooo epic! You’ll have so much fun!”
“Shhh! My mom can’t know about that.”
“Oh sorry.” She smiled which took my breath away.
“W-well let’s go in.” I smiled and took her hand. I wish I could never let it go though.
I felt butterflies in my stomach. I was so nervous to introduce her to my parents. I walked her to the front door, took a deep breath and opened it.
      I reluctantly released my hand from hers. We took a stepped in the house as I shut the door. I swallowed hard. “Mother, Father, this is Zoey.” I said. Zoe gave a wave and said “Hi.” with her sweet smile on her face. “Hello, Zoey,” My mom smiled hiding her emotions towards her. She’s probably upset over Zoey’s tank top because it shows too much cleavage and you can see her bra straps. My mom would kill me if I dressed like that. “Hi, Zoey.” My dad smiled. “Hi.” She smiled back. She took her shoes off once I took off mine. “Did you have any trouble finding the place?” My dad asked. “Nah, I rode the bus with Sammy a few years back so I remember it were it was. I have good memory.” She smiled. “Well that’s good. I’m going to go in the room and watch T.V. I’ll see you guys later.” Dad smiled and walked away. “I’m just going to do dishes.” My mom said and walked into the kitchen which doesn’t give us any privacy because the kitchen and living room are connected with no doors, not even a door way. I went over and sat on the couch. Zoe followed me. “You can just but your bag down besides the couch.” I said. “This is where we’ll be sleeping tonight.” I smiled at her.
“Ok.” 
“Sooo where’s your T.V?” She asked.
“We only have one TV and it belongs to my parents. I’m not allowed to watch TV.”
She held in a laugh. “Well, what about a radio?”
I just shook my head. She bit her lip trying to hold in her laugh.
“Well want to do for fun?”
“I don’t know. Pray, read the bible or read anything, sometimes I to draw. I’m not boasting I’m just saying I’m really good at painting. Want me to show you some of my art?”
“Sure.”
I walked to my room as she followed me. I opened my closet and grabbed one of my many canvases. It was a painting of the Eiffel Tower. Her jaw dropped when I showed her it. “You made this?!” She asked in awe. I nodded. “It took me a week or so. It’s not my best to be honest. Not even in the top ten.”
“Than what’s your number one?”
“Let me find it.” I kneeled down in my closet and shuffled through my paintings until I found my favorite. “It’s a religious painting just so you know.” I took it and showed it to her. It was a painting of a young brunette girl praying in front of a window in a church. I was a bit nervous she would make fun of it because she isn’t too fond of religious material.
“This is beautiful! I could never make anything like this.” She shook her head.
“You like it?”
“Hell yeah. It’s amazing. I never knew you were this talented.”
“Thank you” I blushed.
“You should try to put some of these in an art museum.”
“You really think they’re that good?”
“Yeah! I’ll take you to one sometime. You’d love it. They would so display on of your projects though.”
“I doubt it. But I would still love to go to one.”
“I’ll take you on your B-day. You’ll be a legal adult so you mom can’t stop you.” She laughed. Suddenly we were gazing into each other’s eyes almost like in the vision. She was gazing deeply into my eyes. I felt this foreign feeling in my heart. I felt like she was looking into my soul and I was looking into hers. It freaked me out when I realized I actually liked it. I broke the moment and suggest we go sit down on the bed.
      Once we did I realized how boring my life is. There is literally nothing to do! I felt very awkward. I debated rather or not I should suggest playing a board game. I’m not sure if it would spark an interest or make her burst out laughing. I went trough my mind trying to think of things we could do. Or at least I tried to. There is nothing to suggest that she would find appealing. I just decided to start a conversation. “So, um, how’s your sister doing.”
“My sister. You really want to talk about my sister?” She raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t know.” Was all I could spit out.
“Sammy, we just had a moment. Didn’t you notice that?” She giggled which made my heart race.
“I d-don’t know.” I felt so stupid that that was all I could say.
“You don’t know. So I just imagine that we were making googly eyes at each other?”
“No.”
She just rolled her eyes.
“Look I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened.”
“Be honest with me. Are you gay?” she whispered.
“I told you no. I don’t want to be.”
“What do you mean you don’t want to be? It’s not a choice! Either you are or your not.”
“Well I’m not.”
“Have you ever had a crush on a boy- ever?!” she asked.
“Now that I think about it no.”
“Have you ever been interested in a girl?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Have you ever looked at a girl and wanted to be more than friends?”
“Uh no, I don’t think.” She could tell I was lying, I could see it in her eyes.
“Liar.” She crossed her arms.
“That’s not true. I don’t like girls.” I whispered.
“You never looked at a girl and had your heart race fast?”
“Why would that matter?”
“Because that’s what love feels like. You see the person and you can’t stop thinking about them, they’re there when you close your eyes, your heart races when you see them, your palms sweat, you feel butterflies in your stomach, and you feel like you knew them forever even if it’s only been an hour.”
“That’s what love is?” I cocked my head to the side.
She nodded as a response.
“Not to mention you have been staring at a naughty place, missy. My eye’s are up here!” she laughed pointing at her eyes. I didn’t need a mirror to know my face was beat red from being caught.  Could this be true? Could I be…gay? My mom told me that they go to hell. I always thought it was a choice and they had free will. Could it be that I am gay and there’s no way to stop it? I sighed.
“I can’t be gay. My mom wouldn’t allow it.”
She sighed.
“I told you, you can’t control it! You’re either born this way or not!”
“But I mean if I am I can’t have kids or get married and make my mom proud.”
“I’m sorry but do you really think that would make her proud?! You’re mothers never happy with you. She doesn’t even trust you! She’ll never say she’s proud of you.”
“But I got to find love soon and it can’t be a girl!”
“Don’t worrying about finding love. It’ll find you. That’s why it’s called ‘falling in love’. You don’t make yourself jump in it. You just…fall.”
I was speechless.
“But it’s a sin to be gay, I’m not trying to offend you but it is.”
“And who cares?!”
“God.”
“How do you even know he’s real?”
“Because I can feel him in my heart!”
“Than what is your heart telling you, NOT your mind - your heart?”
I didn’t think about it I just went for it. I closed my eyes and kissed her. I felt a shock of what felt like electricity go through my body even though the kiss was so short.
I pulled away and looked at her face.
“Wow.” She said.
I had no clue what to say, but I think I’m going to hell now.
“Told you so.” She laughed.
I was still speechless. My mind was racing with thoughts. My mother would be so majorly disappointed if she knew about this. No, she would be down right furious. And would God be mad? Would he care? I took a deep breath.
“You wanna play a board game?” I asked trying to change the subject.
She sighed and rolled your eyes. “Do I mean anything to you?! One second you’re into me and literally seconds later you smile and act like nothing happened! You’re such a damn tease.”
“Sorry.” Was all I could think of to say.
“I mean I know you’re confused about your sexuality because you’ve been brainwashed by religion, but can you at least-”

“What do you mean I’ve been brain washed?!”
“What do you mean what do I mean?! You mom tells you to wear, what to think, who to hang out with, who to marry and tells you if you don’t believe her a man who you can’t see or hear will send you to hell! Tell me how you can possibly believe that?!”
I was absolutely offended.
“Because I feel it!”
She laughed. “Those are your emotions not your mind! Remember when you were a kid and believe in Santa Claus? Sure you never seen him or felt him. But you knew he was because you felt it and he brought you presents. Your parents would tell you his real but would offer no proof. How is this any different?!”
It made sense but it also hit my heart pretty hard.
“You can’t compare God to Santa” I sighed.
“Why not? They’re both fictional characters used to make your children listen to what you say. Besides let’s say God is real. Why they heck would he care if you wore a dress or a pair of jeans?! Adam and Eve were naked!”
“Yes he wouldn’t mind but my mom wants me to dress this. And I must honor my mother. Ten Commandments, remember?”
She just laughed and not a happy one more of an angry one.
“You know what? I never read much of The Bible and I don’t care if you believe a completely unrealistic book, but you’re letting it take over your life! Free your self!”
I heard the faucet from the sink turn off.
“Shhh.” I whispered “My mom can’t hear this discussion just change the subject.”
“Fine! But this convo sooo isn’t over, not by a long shot!”