"Samatha." my mom said. I stopped and turned. "Yes?" I asked.
"Tie your hair back. I don't want you looking too trampy."
"Okay, Mom" I said hiding my anger. I walked back into the bathroom to tie my hair back.
My mother is very strict and very religious. I was raised Christian. Actually, I'm still being raised Christian because I'm only 17. However I still can't drive. It's not that I don't want to or that I failed my test. As a matter of fact I haven't even taken my permit test.
I'm not allowed to drive until I'm 18. My mom won't allow me; she says it's too dangerous. The only reason she's letting me drive at 18 is because I'll legally be an adult. But I'll be 18 in 1 month so I don't have long to wait anymore.
As I said, my mother is an extremely strict Christian.
According to her, every single word of the Bible is true. She would
follow every single thing it said the only thing stopping her is the law.
For example some passages in the Bible that encourages murder.
She would kill someone for God if she could. Luckily she won't because
she would give a bad reputation to the family. My dad isn't
as bad but he certainly isn't good. He is strict just not as strict as my mother.
He is a factory worker and is very dedicated to that job
as well as God.
"Samatha, remember be good!" She said as soon as I walked out
of the bathroom. "I will" I smiled and by smile I mean smiling
on the outside, on the inside I was alone, sad, and confused. "I'll see
you after school, mother." "Ok, and remember we have a reputation
to keep to the world, and more importantly the Lord." "I know I won't mess it up.
I smiled at her, well smiling on the outside. "Bye, Samatha."
she said as I opened the door. "Bye, mom" I said as I closed the door.
I walked down the driveway and saw my reflection in my mom's
car window. I had my long, wavy, red hair tied back in a bow and was
wearing an old ugly dress that went past my knees. I hate dressing like this.
I feel like a robot but, I'm too afraid to be a human. I'm afraid to go
to hell and disobey God. God's love is the only love I have ever known
because my parents definitely never showed me any.
I stepped into the school building. The energy here brought a shiver to my bones. The students are not too fond of me. I was the lame, boring Christian girl. One person who I think hates me the most is Lisa.
She's an Atheist 'rocker' chick. She had, tattoos, and was 9 months pregnant. She was thin yet curvy. She had short bleach blonde hair and a few facial piercings. "A sin on two legs" as my mother called her. "Well she might as well have fun now because she won't where she’s going after she dies." was my mother’s statement about her.
"Hello, freak!" Lisa said to me. I just awkwardly said "Hi." and walked quickly to my locker. "FREAK!" she shouted as I walked away. I felt a hand grab my arm. Fear raced trough my body as my eyes watered.
"Wait!" I heard a voice say. I braced my self and turned around. Thankfully, it wasn't Lisa. It was her sister Zoey. Zoey was a little wild but nice. She was tall and thin with amazingly bright green eyes. She had long bright pink hair. My mom didn't like it but I thought it was so pretty. She has an amazingly perfect white smile. She always dressed colorful and sometimes wore
tight cloths. She dressed the way I would if I could. Today she had on a short skirt, fish nets stockings, and a colorful tank top. "My sisters a bitch, sorry." she said. "It's ok" was all I could spit out. I got nervous and sweaty when
I was with her for some reason.
"You’re Samatha Brown, right?" She asked while cocking her head to the side. My heart raced when she said my name. I just nodded. "I'm Zoey, but you can call me Zoe." "Ok" I smiled. "Want me to walk you to your locker?" She asked. "Yes." I said way too eagerly. "Ok, take me there." She said and I nodded as a response.
We arrived at locker 201 which was my locker. "Again, I'm sorry about my
sister. She doesn't mean it. She thinks’ she’s cool but she's totally not!" She giggled which made my heart beat even faster. "It's fine." I said with my voice too shaky to sound normal.
"No, it's not fine. She hurt you." I was confused as to why she would even care if it did. It doesn't affect her.
"No it didn't" I smiled trying to convince her.
"Is that why you were crying when I saw you?" she teased me.
"I wasn't crying"
"Liar."
" No, I'm not it's a sin to lie."
"If it is then why are you doing it? My sister is really mean and she hurt you."
"Well it doesn't matter."
"Yes it does matter, you matter." She smiled her breath taking smile.
I would be more touched if
I wasn't so confused. I was never considered important. Mom told me only God deserves to
be considered important. I was about to tell her that I didn't matter but the bell stopped me.
"Hey, if you would like you can sit with me at lunch. I'm sick of sitting with Lisa and her friends and I'm sure you’re sick of sitting alone." She smiled.
"Yeah, that would be fine." I said too shaky and keen.
"Ok bye, Sammy."
"Bye, Zoe." I smiled when I said her name. "Zoe." I quietly said to myself, I felt happy to say her name.
I was still confused. No one ever cared about me. No one ever said I mattered. I just shook my head and walked to homeroom. I checked my book bag to make sure I had all my stuff. As I did I heard some one say my name. The voice belong to Josh who, to put it mildly, is a jerk. "Samatha you’re looking too sexy and revealing put some clothes on!" He laughed along with his friends. I always got made fun of because of my forced attire. I should be use to it but I'm not. "Samatha! Hey, Samatha, don't be rude I'm talking to you!" Hunter, Josh's accomplice, said. "Samatha!" He said. I gave up.
"What?" I said hiding my anger. "Will you go out with me?" He and his friends laugh.
"You look hot in that ponytail, girl!" They teased.
I put up with that until I heard the sweet bell of freedom. I ran into the girl's bathroom planning to get some toilet paper to dry my eyes. As soon as I walked in my heart stopped. Lisa was there. "Aww why you crying? Did they cancel church!?" She teased.
"Tie your hair back. I don't want you looking too trampy."
"Okay, Mom" I said hiding my anger. I walked back into the bathroom to tie my hair back.
My mother is very strict and very religious. I was raised Christian. Actually, I'm still being raised Christian because I'm only 17. However I still can't drive. It's not that I don't want to or that I failed my test. As a matter of fact I haven't even taken my permit test.
I'm not allowed to drive until I'm 18. My mom won't allow me; she says it's too dangerous. The only reason she's letting me drive at 18 is because I'll legally be an adult. But I'll be 18 in 1 month so I don't have long to wait anymore.
As I said, my mother is an extremely strict Christian.
According to her, every single word of the Bible is true. She would
follow every single thing it said the only thing stopping her is the law.
For example some passages in the Bible that encourages murder.
She would kill someone for God if she could. Luckily she won't because
she would give a bad reputation to the family. My dad isn't
as bad but he certainly isn't good. He is strict just not as strict as my mother.
He is a factory worker and is very dedicated to that job
as well as God.
"Samatha, remember be good!" She said as soon as I walked out
of the bathroom. "I will" I smiled and by smile I mean smiling
on the outside, on the inside I was alone, sad, and confused. "I'll see
you after school, mother." "Ok, and remember we have a reputation
to keep to the world, and more importantly the Lord." "I know I won't mess it up.
I smiled at her, well smiling on the outside. "Bye, Samatha."
she said as I opened the door. "Bye, mom" I said as I closed the door.
I walked down the driveway and saw my reflection in my mom's
car window. I had my long, wavy, red hair tied back in a bow and was
wearing an old ugly dress that went past my knees. I hate dressing like this.
I feel like a robot but, I'm too afraid to be a human. I'm afraid to go
to hell and disobey God. God's love is the only love I have ever known
because my parents definitely never showed me any.
I stepped into the school building. The energy here brought a shiver to my bones. The students are not too fond of me. I was the lame, boring Christian girl. One person who I think hates me the most is Lisa.
She's an Atheist 'rocker' chick. She had, tattoos, and was 9 months pregnant. She was thin yet curvy. She had short bleach blonde hair and a few facial piercings. "A sin on two legs" as my mother called her. "Well she might as well have fun now because she won't where she’s going after she dies." was my mother’s statement about her.
"Hello, freak!" Lisa said to me. I just awkwardly said "Hi." and walked quickly to my locker. "FREAK!" she shouted as I walked away. I felt a hand grab my arm. Fear raced trough my body as my eyes watered.
"Wait!" I heard a voice say. I braced my self and turned around. Thankfully, it wasn't Lisa. It was her sister Zoey. Zoey was a little wild but nice. She was tall and thin with amazingly bright green eyes. She had long bright pink hair. My mom didn't like it but I thought it was so pretty. She has an amazingly perfect white smile. She always dressed colorful and sometimes wore
tight cloths. She dressed the way I would if I could. Today she had on a short skirt, fish nets stockings, and a colorful tank top. "My sisters a bitch, sorry." she said. "It's ok" was all I could spit out. I got nervous and sweaty when
I was with her for some reason.
"You’re Samatha Brown, right?" She asked while cocking her head to the side. My heart raced when she said my name. I just nodded. "I'm Zoey, but you can call me Zoe." "Ok" I smiled. "Want me to walk you to your locker?" She asked. "Yes." I said way too eagerly. "Ok, take me there." She said and I nodded as a response.
We arrived at locker 201 which was my locker. "Again, I'm sorry about my
sister. She doesn't mean it. She thinks’ she’s cool but she's totally not!" She giggled which made my heart beat even faster. "It's fine." I said with my voice too shaky to sound normal.
"No, it's not fine. She hurt you." I was confused as to why she would even care if it did. It doesn't affect her.
"No it didn't" I smiled trying to convince her.
"Is that why you were crying when I saw you?" she teased me.
"I wasn't crying"
"Liar."
" No, I'm not it's a sin to lie."
"If it is then why are you doing it? My sister is really mean and she hurt you."
"Well it doesn't matter."
"Yes it does matter, you matter." She smiled her breath taking smile.
I would be more touched if
I wasn't so confused. I was never considered important. Mom told me only God deserves to
be considered important. I was about to tell her that I didn't matter but the bell stopped me.
"Hey, if you would like you can sit with me at lunch. I'm sick of sitting with Lisa and her friends and I'm sure you’re sick of sitting alone." She smiled.
"Yeah, that would be fine." I said too shaky and keen.
"Ok bye, Sammy."
"Bye, Zoe." I smiled when I said her name. "Zoe." I quietly said to myself, I felt happy to say her name.
I was still confused. No one ever cared about me. No one ever said I mattered. I just shook my head and walked to homeroom. I checked my book bag to make sure I had all my stuff. As I did I heard some one say my name. The voice belong to Josh who, to put it mildly, is a jerk. "Samatha you’re looking too sexy and revealing put some clothes on!" He laughed along with his friends. I always got made fun of because of my forced attire. I should be use to it but I'm not. "Samatha! Hey, Samatha, don't be rude I'm talking to you!" Hunter, Josh's accomplice, said. "Samatha!" He said. I gave up.
"What?" I said hiding my anger. "Will you go out with me?" He and his friends laugh.
"You look hot in that ponytail, girl!" They teased.
I put up with that until I heard the sweet bell of freedom. I ran into the girl's bathroom planning to get some toilet paper to dry my eyes. As soon as I walked in my heart stopped. Lisa was there. "Aww why you crying? Did they cancel church!?" She teased.
"No."
"You’re such a freak!" Her laugh hit me hard.
"Sorry" I said shyly which made her laugh harder.
I ran out of the bathroom and was crying even more than when I went in.
I wiped my tears, breathed in and got over it. I don't want to look weak
in front of god.
I walked in to class. First period was my favorite. No one talked to me
so I could just do my own thing. I may not like the subject, which is math, but I
didn't mind. I wasn't getting picked on. The teacher talked and talked but it all
went right over my head. After 40 minutes of rambling it was time for second
period, which isn’t that bad. Josh is in that class but none of his friends are
so he didn't bother me. Then when that was over it was 3rd, then 4th etc. The
classes went by so quickly because I wasn't paying attention. I was too excited
for 6th which is mine and Zoey's lunch time. I was oddly excited to see her again.
When I heard the bell for lunch my heart dropped. I walked into the bathroom. I wanted to check my hair even though, with it tied back, there’s nothing to check. I fixed my dress. I want to let my hair down so bad! But I must honor my mother. I don't want to look trampy, especially in front of Zoe! I walked out of the bathroom with a big smile. I tried to hide it but failed.
I walked into the cafeteria and sat at my regular booth. I got the lunch out of my book bag. It was the same old PB & J with an apple juice. "Ugh." I said to myself. This is such a lame lunch. I rolled my eyes wishing I had some money to buy a lunch. But I don't have a car to get a job so I can have money. I don't want to look lame in front of Zoe. I just sucked it up. There's starving kids somewhere that would love to have this meal. "Sammy!" I heard Zoe say. I looked up and saw her smiling at me. "Hi, Zoe." I smiled back.
"So how has your day been?" She asked.
"Fine, but boring really."
She giggled." Same. I'm so happy there's only 1 month left of school! Then school will be over forever!"
"Yeah I can't wait either. I really hate school, especially this one."
"Yeah, I know. I bet my sister just makes it worse. Just don't take anything she says personally. She's mean to everyone and I mean everyone even me and my mom."
"You’re such a freak!" Her laugh hit me hard.
"Sorry" I said shyly which made her laugh harder.
I ran out of the bathroom and was crying even more than when I went in.
I wiped my tears, breathed in and got over it. I don't want to look weak
in front of god.
I walked in to class. First period was my favorite. No one talked to me
so I could just do my own thing. I may not like the subject, which is math, but I
didn't mind. I wasn't getting picked on. The teacher talked and talked but it all
went right over my head. After 40 minutes of rambling it was time for second
period, which isn’t that bad. Josh is in that class but none of his friends are
so he didn't bother me. Then when that was over it was 3rd, then 4th etc. The
classes went by so quickly because I wasn't paying attention. I was too excited
for 6th which is mine and Zoey's lunch time. I was oddly excited to see her again.
When I heard the bell for lunch my heart dropped. I walked into the bathroom. I wanted to check my hair even though, with it tied back, there’s nothing to check. I fixed my dress. I want to let my hair down so bad! But I must honor my mother. I don't want to look trampy, especially in front of Zoe! I walked out of the bathroom with a big smile. I tried to hide it but failed.
I walked into the cafeteria and sat at my regular booth. I got the lunch out of my book bag. It was the same old PB & J with an apple juice. "Ugh." I said to myself. This is such a lame lunch. I rolled my eyes wishing I had some money to buy a lunch. But I don't have a car to get a job so I can have money. I don't want to look lame in front of Zoe. I just sucked it up. There's starving kids somewhere that would love to have this meal. "Sammy!" I heard Zoe say. I looked up and saw her smiling at me. "Hi, Zoe." I smiled back.
"So how has your day been?" She asked.
"Fine, but boring really."
She giggled." Same. I'm so happy there's only 1 month left of school! Then school will be over forever!"
"Yeah I can't wait either. I really hate school, especially this one."
"Yeah, I know. I bet my sister just makes it worse. Just don't take anything she says personally. She's mean to everyone and I mean everyone even me and my mom."
"I said its fine." I smiled.
"I hope it is." She sighed.
"Didn't this happen rather quickly though? I mean it feels like just yesterday
I was in elementary school fearing going to middle school, now I'm graduating!
It's crazy." She shook her head.
"I know. Hey, this is totally off topic but, I was wondering, do you drive?"
She nodded. "You?"
"No." I was too embarrassed to tell her the reason why.
"Oh, do you plan to soon?" She asked.
"Yes, next month I'm talking my permit test."
"Oh, may I ask why you wanted so long" she chuckled.
"My mom's strict and won't let me even get behind the wheel 'till I'm 18."
"That sucks! Is she the reason why you dress like that? Not that there's anything wrong with the way you dress!"
"Yes she is. And yes there is a problem with the way I dress. I hate dressing this way!" I sighed.
"Than don't dress that way. She can't control you."
"Yes she can. Besides I have to honor my parents. It's a sin to do other wise."
"Oh." she said. She seems speechless.
"Are you even allowed to wear your hair down?" She asked.
"Not in public." I said even thought I don't want her to know this stuff, but I didn't want to lie to her.
She giggled. "I'm sorry for laughing it's just your mom is kind of.... crazy."
"I know but I must honor her." I shrugged.
"I want to see you with your hair down for just once though. I'll bet anything you have beautiful hair."
"I would but can't."
"If you don't show me now will you ever show me?"
"Sure." I smiled.
"Sweet, hey after school do you want to go to the mall." I got excited when she said this but that feeling died down. My mom is picky about the friends I hang out with. That’s why I basically have none. I'm only allowed to hang out with Christians of her choice. There's no way she would let me hang out with
Lisa Carson's little sister. As my mom said the Carsons are sin on two legs.
"Uh, I can't. I have to do something after school."
"Oh, well what about this Saturday?"
"Um, I don't know we'll see."
"Oh ok well call me. Do you have a cell?" I shook my head.
She grabbed her napkin and wrote: Zoe - 304-144-8045
she handed me her number. "Thanks. I'll call you soon."
"Cool. Oh and I'm curious. If you could dress the way you wanted how would you dress?"
I shrugged. “I don't know colorfully I guess."
"Very detailed." She laughed which made my heart race and palms sweat.
"Well I don't know much about other types of clothes other than this." I gestured towards my old ugly attire.
"You should come to my house! We could go to the mall, and buy you a fun outfit to wear in my house, not in public so you’re not disobeying your mom! You could spend the night, and we could listen to the music, watch movies and just
pig out on junk food!" She had a glow in her eyes just thinking about it. I felt bad knowing that that would never happen because of my mom. I faked a smile.
"Will you be free by tonight?"
I shook my head.
"Besides even if I was I don't know if I could. My mom's very strict about who I hang out with."
"Oh your mom wouldn't like me, or my sister, or my mom." She looked sad. I hate seeing her sad even though I haven't known her for long. "It's not that it's just she wouldn't let me hang out with someone who she hasn't 'examined' or some one who isn’t, well... Christian. I mean I don't care about your religion but she does. Sorry" I said wishing I didn't.
"Oh." She said with her head down. Sadness rushed through me. It's not fair. The one person who actually cares about me might be forbidden from me. "But I'll be 18 next month and I can move out! We still have school to see each other." I smiled.
"Yeah that's true. It would just be so awesome if you could go to the mall with me and drake after school."
"Drake? Is he like your boyfriend?" I asked.
"Nooo! I'm not like that."
"What do you mean? You don't date anyone?"
"No... I just don't date guys..."
I looked at her and my stomach grew sick thinking about what she meant.
"Your a...."
"Lesbian. Yes."
My eyes grew wide even though I didn't want them to. She's a homosexual. My mom would not even allow her to even shake my hand. My mom is homophobic. I myself am not but still confused about if I should be.
"Oh."
"You don't approve of it." She said it as a statement and not a question.
"No! My mother doesn’t, I do!"
"Well that good I guess. And by the way Drake is my friend."
"Do you have a girlfriend?" I asked for some reason I really didn't want her to.
"No but I have someone in mind..."
"Oh. Who?"
"It's a secret..." she laughs.
"Oh." I smiled.
"I hope it is." She sighed.
"Didn't this happen rather quickly though? I mean it feels like just yesterday
I was in elementary school fearing going to middle school, now I'm graduating!
It's crazy." She shook her head.
"I know. Hey, this is totally off topic but, I was wondering, do you drive?"
She nodded. "You?"
"No." I was too embarrassed to tell her the reason why.
"Oh, do you plan to soon?" She asked.
"Yes, next month I'm talking my permit test."
"Oh, may I ask why you wanted so long" she chuckled.
"My mom's strict and won't let me even get behind the wheel 'till I'm 18."
"That sucks! Is she the reason why you dress like that? Not that there's anything wrong with the way you dress!"
"Yes she is. And yes there is a problem with the way I dress. I hate dressing this way!" I sighed.
"Than don't dress that way. She can't control you."
"Yes she can. Besides I have to honor my parents. It's a sin to do other wise."
"Oh." she said. She seems speechless.
"Are you even allowed to wear your hair down?" She asked.
"Not in public." I said even thought I don't want her to know this stuff, but I didn't want to lie to her.
She giggled. "I'm sorry for laughing it's just your mom is kind of.... crazy."
"I know but I must honor her." I shrugged.
"I want to see you with your hair down for just once though. I'll bet anything you have beautiful hair."
"I would but can't."
"If you don't show me now will you ever show me?"
"Sure." I smiled.
"Sweet, hey after school do you want to go to the mall." I got excited when she said this but that feeling died down. My mom is picky about the friends I hang out with. That’s why I basically have none. I'm only allowed to hang out with Christians of her choice. There's no way she would let me hang out with
Lisa Carson's little sister. As my mom said the Carsons are sin on two legs.
"Uh, I can't. I have to do something after school."
"Oh, well what about this Saturday?"
"Um, I don't know we'll see."
"Oh ok well call me. Do you have a cell?" I shook my head.
She grabbed her napkin and wrote: Zoe - 304-144-8045
she handed me her number. "Thanks. I'll call you soon."
"Cool. Oh and I'm curious. If you could dress the way you wanted how would you dress?"
I shrugged. “I don't know colorfully I guess."
"Very detailed." She laughed which made my heart race and palms sweat.
"Well I don't know much about other types of clothes other than this." I gestured towards my old ugly attire.
"You should come to my house! We could go to the mall, and buy you a fun outfit to wear in my house, not in public so you’re not disobeying your mom! You could spend the night, and we could listen to the music, watch movies and just
pig out on junk food!" She had a glow in her eyes just thinking about it. I felt bad knowing that that would never happen because of my mom. I faked a smile.
"Will you be free by tonight?"
I shook my head.
"Besides even if I was I don't know if I could. My mom's very strict about who I hang out with."
"Oh your mom wouldn't like me, or my sister, or my mom." She looked sad. I hate seeing her sad even though I haven't known her for long. "It's not that it's just she wouldn't let me hang out with someone who she hasn't 'examined' or some one who isn’t, well... Christian. I mean I don't care about your religion but she does. Sorry" I said wishing I didn't.
"Oh." She said with her head down. Sadness rushed through me. It's not fair. The one person who actually cares about me might be forbidden from me. "But I'll be 18 next month and I can move out! We still have school to see each other." I smiled.
"Yeah that's true. It would just be so awesome if you could go to the mall with me and drake after school."
"Drake? Is he like your boyfriend?" I asked.
"Nooo! I'm not like that."
"What do you mean? You don't date anyone?"
"No... I just don't date guys..."
I looked at her and my stomach grew sick thinking about what she meant.
"Your a...."
"Lesbian. Yes."
My eyes grew wide even though I didn't want them to. She's a homosexual. My mom would not even allow her to even shake my hand. My mom is homophobic. I myself am not but still confused about if I should be.
"Oh."
"You don't approve of it." She said it as a statement and not a question.
"No! My mother doesn’t, I do!"
"Well that good I guess. And by the way Drake is my friend."
"Do you have a girlfriend?" I asked for some reason I really didn't want her to.
"No but I have someone in mind..."
"Oh. Who?"
"It's a secret..." she laughs.
"Oh." I smiled.
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